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Alex asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

My Dad Is Going To Prison?

I'm not gonna go too much into details, but my dad has just been indicted and looking at a max of 36 years in federal prison. I'm 20, so I'll cope, but I'm more so worried about my younger siblings, aged 12 & 16. I will potentially have to take on the role of a father figure.

 I'm at a crossroads where I need to develop myself and establish myself as an adult by moving out, putting bills in my name, and finishing my last year of college, but I also need to be there for my family. My sister is getting ready to go off to college, and my younger brother will likely grow up in a single parent household.

How do I find that balance? Even being on campus feels like I'm abandoning my family. We live in a dangerous city where I was jumped in as a crip at the age of 14 due to lack of financial opportunity and lack of guidance, and I refuse to let that happen to him. 

I guess my question is, how do i prepare for the financial and emotional burden that this is going to bring upon me and my family? Thanks in advance.

7 Answers

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  • Archer
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No, your role is not "father" but older sibling. Don't attempt to fill a role that isn't yours!

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would just help them out even if you are on campus

  • 1 month ago

    You don't.

    Your mother is a grown adult woman who is now in charge of her own family.  If she is a healthy, independent, mentally stable woman, she will have no problem taking care of her two minor children.

    It is NOT YOUR JOB to take care of your grown mother and your younger siblings.  So don't assume it.

    I'm sorry that your father chose to do a felony crime.  His choices have come to effect your whole family.  Your job is not to excuse, rationalize, deny or minimize his crime when your family talks about it.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Where is the mother of your siblings?  And grandparents and uncles/aunts/cousins, close friends?  This is NOT your solitary battle.  Lean on other people.

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  • 1 month ago

    How hard for you. Bubula's reply has a lot of wisdom. I agree that trying to take your dad's role would cause you problems. You are a big brother, and may be able to slightly enhanced role, but you are not your siblings' father. You have your life to live, and as Bubula puts, other family members will need to be there for them and your poor mother. 

    I hope your dad will manage to reduce the sentence somewhat with good behaviour - and maybe some luck.

    I wish you well.

  • bubula
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Where is your mother? Grandparents? Aunts and uncles? Cousins? You seem to be connecting your father's absence and your "eldest male" status to create what you call the role of "father figure," and then you connect "father figure" to someone who provides for the entire family financially. You are not obliged to step into your father's shoes. You are obliged as a good and caring human being to help your mother and siblings in any way you can, and right now, that is likely by listening. Don't assume your younger siblings are emotional wrecks or headed for lives of delinquency. Find out how they're doing, what concerns, worries and plans they have for themselves, how they see their own roles in the family.  Same with your mother and with all other relatives. The strength of a family is in how well it works together, not in how much responsibility the eldest male can take on. When you get some perspective--this is new--you'll see that establishing yourself as a high functioning adult is the very best thing you could possibly do. You'll be in a better position, for the long run, to help others in the ways they need most.

    Best of luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Tell your dad to be careful in hot showers 

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