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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 month ago

How to reconnect with my dad?

My dad and I have had a bad relationship for practically my whole life. I’m gonna try and refrain from talking trash, as I could be a handful at times, but my father is known for having emotional issues, especially anger and I’ve known him best for his wrathfulness (violence, malicious things to say, etc.) and it’s caused major problems in our lives. However, I feel like there is some good left in him, though over the years he’s become colder to everyone around him. I don’t know why, but I want to rekindle whatever is left of him. I know I can never get around his depression or negativity (he is a nihilist), but I want to do something. Him and I have nothing in common and everytime I bring up something, he’s less than interested. He doesn’t seem to care about anything and has no hobbies. He either works, or sits infront of the tv drinking. I want him to atleast have a few good years in his life and I don’t want to only have bad memories with him. Is there anything I can do to atleast bring some life into him and rekindle our relationship as much as I can? 

Update:

I don’t mean to sound cold hear, but I don’t know if he’s too far gone or not in his depression to where he is just gonna wallow in his sorrow forever or if he can see the light. He tends to say if he ever does bother talking that there’s nothing that can fix him or his problems.

Also I’m an only child and his wife (my mom) left him. So, he will have nobody once I’m gone and I’m usually on the other side of the house constantly because he is very negative. 

6 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Invite him for a camping adventure with a group of other men and their estranged offspring who can reconnect in a comfortable and safe environment. 

    Go for a holiday with your father to a quiet secluded resort.

  • 1 month ago

    Call him up, then go and see him.

    It can't hurt.

  • Lv 7
    1 month ago

    it is a common misconception that, simply because you are related to someone, you should love each other, or try to find some connection with them. the phrase "blood is thicker than water" comes to mind.

    but while it is a good idea (especially since you typically spend the first 2 decades of your life with them), it is not a given, and many people who DON'T want kids end up having them (like my dad).

    have you tried asking him what HE wants? if HE would like to (re)connect with you? otherwise, it could just end up as you being selfish. fond out how he feels first. then, if he wants it, it will happen. if not, you are just wasting time.

  • 1 month ago

    I had a similar relationship with my mother, where she betrayed me/set me up/lied about me. I wore my grudge as a badge of 'honour' (!). The first thought I had when she died was to ask myself, why couldn't I have been the 'bigger person' and dropped the grudge and remember some of the nice things she did. I grieved for over 10 years. How much of that was grief and how much of that was guilt for not being the bigger person, I don't know. But I do know it was absolute misery. Don't make my mistake. You're getting there by asking how to reach out. You're aware he has depression, surely it makes it easier that you're aware of it? You know it's 'him' and not personal. People with depression don't want others to 'solve' their problems - just someone to listen. A popular psychiatric trick is to let people talk. Many times while they're talking, they answer their own question. I know it worked for me big time when I was in therapy. He can't have been too bad a parent - he raised a caring child without leaving you . . .  

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  • 1 month ago

    Spend time with him. Make dinner, or go out to dinner with him. Start suggesting activities that you know he likes, that you can do together. Even if it's watching a movie together and talking or laughing about it, do that. Time is the thing. Spend time with him and if it's POSSIBLE to get him out of his shell, you'll see it. Good luck!

  • 1 month ago

    maybe you should talk to him about it

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