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Should I let my daughter visit her dad after this?

He got in an argument with my guy friend who was helping me out with things in order to stay with me to save some money for his own place instead of a hotel.  I did ask him to help watch my daughter occasionally but last weekend he didn't want to and he is not obligated in any way to do so. Her dad decided he didn't want to take her last weekend and tried to pawn her off on him. He threatened to call the landlord and report him living here if he didn't watch her because since he was gonna be around us so much he could at least help out and watch her...he already was doing that for me though. I told him no you can't do that unless you want me moving away because that will get me in trouble or evicted. My friend decided to stand up to him and say he needs to take care of his own kid or end up on child support.  He called them and said he doesnt care if that happens to us and then tried saying my friend is a bad influence on our daughter and he wants him out.  Any advice on what to do?  I decided to keep my daughter home with me again this weekend bc idrk how or what to think or do I just decided to play it safe and not let her go there.  I decided to tell him that it was not his place to do that. my friend is not coming around and won't be helping the same way anymore bc he can't afford having to deal with the drama and shouldn't have to, so now her dad cost me my extra help.  

Update:

The landlord is not able to evict me due to covid19 but there was a complaint letter filed that my unauthorized persons not on the lease need to leave immediately. I emailed the landlord that he's not here ALL the time but was helping with things and visiting a lot and that her dad was being controlling over who I spend time with. Is there anything else I should do?

Update 2:

I'm already planning to file for child support. He has a history of canceling visits and plans with our daughter.  I feel like he is trying to scare me out of any legal actions after I stood up to him.  I dont like the idea of legally being required to take her for visits so I haven't filed for custody in court.  Part of me wants to make him take her each weekend and step up and be her dad.. the other part of me says he should do it on his own.  

Update 3:

In the last 2 years I have been single this is the first male friend I've had around consistently since him.  He just started being more consistent about weekend visits since he found out about my newer guy friend.  But in the last 2 years I have given her dad many chances and tried to make plans I was doing almost all of it and he did not try to initiate but as soon as another guy came into the picture he suddenly wants to exercise any rights he can.

Update 4:

reason I am unsure of taking her to her dad is because after all this when I stood up to this he decided to bring up a lot of old things. I had him arrested for DV and he said he would never never forgive me and tried to say I made the whole thing up and that he was tracking all of her visits with him, made me feel like he's trying to find anything to try and make me seem like I'm an unfit parent possibly just to get in my head. he "can't" work should i just keep her? make him have to file? 

Update 5:

Also one time he's called the cops on me for a well check when I stopped answering his calls.  It was the first time she spent the night over there and he just kept calling me to pick her up but I told him no im not you need to figure out how to comfort her.  But he called the cops to come here because he thought I had another guy here and he lied to them saying I was supposed to pick her up earlier in the night and I wasn't answering.

9 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    I think you are both toxic and hurting your daughter here-

    You are both using your daughter as a pawn in your twisted game with each other, and it will not end well for her, if both of you don't smarten up here! He is using your daughter to control you, because he is jealous of this other guy, and you are using her as a pawn as a way to get back at him.

    Both of you would be wise to get into counselling.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Your ex husband can't tell you that you have to get rid of a friend or roommate.  it's none of his business.  

    But i can't blame the guy for opting out. 

    If your husband has legal visitation rights (documents filed with the courts) then you can't legally keep him from visiting the child.  Just letting you know

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    thats up to you

  • Archer
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You don't have the option to use your child as a weapon for he has a fathers right to see his child. You have custody of the child so take the responsibility that comes with it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It is NOT true that you cannot be evicted during Covid. You cannot - in some States - be evicted for failing to pay rent. You CAN be evicted in ALL States for violating the lease, causing damage, other issues not involving rent. What should you do? Pack and be prepared to be evicted for lying to your landlord.

    Next, why WOULD you file for custody? You already HAVE custody. You file for child support. The OTHER parent decides whether he/she wants a custody/visitation order. Support and custody/visitation are separate matters. One can be ordered without the other.

    Your use of your child as a weapon is disgusting.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You don't seem to like rules...such as moving some guy into a place where he's not supposed to be (and thus jeopardizing what little stability your daughter has). Or not understanding that even minus the court ordered child custody/support order responsible single parents have you can't just keep a child from its other parent (without risking being charged with custodial interference or even kidnapping). Everyone in this story is behaving badly and it's a shame because your daughter doesn't deserve this chaos in her young life. 

  • Ivan
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    The child has 2 parents. You have no legal right to withold the child from her father because you're unhappy with him. If she were my child and you acted as though you were the only parent, I'd have a summons sent to you for family court and custody hearing.

  • 1 month ago

    Your ex husband can't tell you that you have to get rid of a friend or roommate.  it's none of his business.  

    But i can't blame the guy for opting out. 

    If your husband has legal visitation rights (documents filed with the courts) then you can't legally keep him from visiting the child.  Just letting you know

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Whatever is going on between you and your ex cannot stop him from seeing his daughter when he wants to. It's not hard to see that your husband is not a reasonable man and he seems to love to manipulate and blackmail you when it doesn't go his way, but your daughter cannot be caught in the middle of that. What you need to do is get in touch with your lawyer and tell your lawyer the same thing you told us. Your husband cannot play with your head and your life and use your guy friend and think that he can get away with it. I think that you will have to take him to court and you will have to file for custody of your child. If you don't then your ex will continue to do what he's doing now. Your daughter will be affected by what is going on right now. So, you need to do what is best for her. Your ex won't change unless you take him to court. He thinks he has the upper hand right now, but you need to show him that he's not going to be able to continue to play his sick games anymore. 

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