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Advice on: How to deal with always needing to ask for help?

I have a chronic illness and my partner is also my carer.

 I find it increasingly difficult to ask for things. I am asking less and less if it's not absolutely necessary.

He's tired too, and has an illness himself. He stopped working because my care and his work was too much together. (He hated his job too, so his choice)

He took my fulltime care and gets paid by me for it. He feels bad about that too.

So... how do we cope. What do we work on? I just don't know what to do. I feel SO bad, asking for things. He's been caring for me since 2008 and there's no lack of love. 

5 Answers

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  • Rita
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Photos courtesy of the individual members.

    Prepare Yourself To Ask The Right Questions. ...

    Study How Your Colleagues Ask For Help. ...

    Emulate Someone You Admire. ...

    Think Of It As Acting On Behalf Of The Business. ...

    Don't Wait Until Something Goes Wrong. ...

    Give Others The Opportunity To Contribute.

  • 1 month ago

    Perhaps a joint counseling session for the both of you could better pin point the problems you both have and offer you ways of coping with them.

    Seriously.  Your personal situations are unique and those who need care as well as the care giver need support.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Talk about it, keeping these feelings and emotions unspoken leads to sadness and guilt.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If you pay your partner for taking care of you, then you should be able to hire a caregiver.  It's unfair of you to expect your partner to take care of you full-time.  Hire someone and give him a break.

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  • PR
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It would really depend on the illness you suffer from and the type of help needed.

    Consider looking online for your actual illness and "help" for your particular situation. Then, also go to blogs on that topic, and then specify what is going on that you need help for, as well as reading the experiences of others in your same situation.

    If you could be more specific regarding what you need assistance with, then you would get answers directed toward those concerns.

    Unfortunately, with so little information, it is hard to give a clear answer.

    some ideas:

    -Help getting mail: Have a friend, relative, or even a responsible child from neighborhood bring it in for you.

    -Help mowing grass: Hire it done or have a neighbor child do it.

    -Dog needs help going out: Get a doggie door or flap.

    -Fetch things inside house: Make it easier to get things. Arrange things so they are closer or easier to get to. 

    OR: Get a trained helper dog to fetch things for you and then you will NOT NEED to ask a human. Dogs love to do these things if trained, properly.

    -Reach high items on shelves: There are tools made to grab things up high. They look like long poles with grips on the end:

    https://www.amazon.com/s?k=long+grabber+tool&gclid...

    -Things too high, in general: Rearrange your home so things are within your reach.

    Possible modifications for the home. Also, look up "disability friendly home" or other similar search for other ideas:

    https://wecapable.com/disabled-friendly-homes-offi...

    Help for home modifications:

    https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/2020/03/02/how-to...

    Do your research and find ways to make your own environment easier for you to do things and reach things. Find people you can barter with to help you in other way, and you help them, in return depending on your abilities and skills. We each have skills, no matter our limitations. Begin determining your own skills and then swap help.

    Also: Do not "feel bad". You are who you are, and that it the fact. You need to make thing around you suit your abilities and then help others in return as you are able. Even just talking with someone and helping them through their day is "help". We are each equipped with things others are not. Discover what you are good at and use that.

    If you can write, then write cards and letters to those who are homebound or in nursing facilities. Then, you can make friends and feel good about this. 

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