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Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

Work unpaid for my boyfriends brother?

I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year - I haven't met his family and I am not too bothered by that cos he has a dysfunctional family. 

His brother is opening a small clothes shop (you know the type ...sell cheap made in china fashioner at huge markup). 

basically, my boyfriend goes to me that next month I have to go to his brothers shop to help with putting the stock out and display etc. this would be for 2 weeks full time. and  I have to do it free because it is 'family'. 

I said NO! because I feel like they are taking advantage of me.  I have never even met his brother for him to demand this of me through my boyfriend. Now my boyfirends mother is saying that I am a money hungry h* and I am not family minded, and I work at a supermarket part time (im a student) so why do I have a problem working in his brothers shop helping him. 

I feel like if I had met his brother and his family over the year I may have done it but I don't know them to do this big favour for them. I feel like it is really exploitative of them to demand that I help them free of charge for 2 weeks. and get really abusive when I say no. 

what do you think?

11 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    I think you are right, your boyfriend's family is, indeed, dysfunctional. And, sorry to say, my dear, so is your boyfriend to ask you suchathingasto work two weeks for a virtual stranger...without pay.

    Have that idiot boyfriend of yours go help his entitled brother himself...he can provide the 2 weeks of sweat equity as a favor to his brother. His brother IS NOT even remotely family to you. 

    People date for a reason and that is to learn if they are compatible enough to remain together, OR NOT. You are now learning the core ideals of your boyfriend. It is disturbing that he'd even ask and expect you to work ANYWHERE for free. AND, worse yet...that he does not respect your choice not to work in his brother's store for two week's labor, without any compensation. My goodness... at least his brother could have offered you some free clothing/store merchandise at no cost to barter for your labor.

    I would RUN from your boyfriend and this family!

    You will never be happy in the future if you stay with him as this is a HUGE red flag.

  • L
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    I would NEVER do this.  Helping out, from time to time, is fine but NOT 2-weeks full time and no pay.  If his family can't understand this - then distance yourself from them.

  • 1 month ago

    They have made NO invitation to meet you during the 12 months you have been with the boyfriend - but they want to 'meet you' now, now that they want a favour? You were absolutely right to say no. With my EX, I absolutely hated his sister, because she was a lying user. It took me twenty three years to finally leave him when my suspicions were confirmed without a doubt. That he was exactly like his sister - just a male version (tho he cried like a girl when he wanted to get his own way/was caught out - just like his sister!) I write this to highlight (tho not ALL the time, but nearly) that if there are/is a (his) family member you're wary about, have a big think about sticking with him - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree . . .  To point out one (obvious?) thing - if he was a decent man that cared about YOU, why didn't he refuse your help to his family without even mentioning it to you, without trying to talk you out of it when you mentioned getting paid? A big red flag there.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Demanding two weeks' full-time work while you're in school and have a part-time job is insane. I can't see how that would be possible. 

    This is a good thing in disguise. You've gotten a glimpse at what your future will be like if you stay with your boyfriend. This group couldn't take into account the fact that you have homework and need time to sleep.  

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i wouldnt work for free either

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Truly this all comes down to who's paying your bills since as a student working part time you probably aren't. If you live with this guy and he's covering the major of the rent/utilities you kind of owe him this. If you're still at home with parents or something then just tell him you don't have the time. As for "it is 'family'", it's not your family, you've only been dating this guy for a mere year. 

  • 1 month ago

    It might have been a different situation if your boyfriend had come to you and said, "You know my brother's opening this shop next week? He's a bit short-handed and we wondered if you might be willing to help for a week or two setting out the stock. He can't pay you, but he'd be really grateful".

    Then you might have considered it.But as it seems he's come and demanded your help, you are perfectly entitled to say "Sorry, no".

    If the whole family is abusing you because you said no, you should really think hard about whether you want to continue in a relationship with this boyfriend.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You already know what to do.  Your boyfriend's family will always come first and you will be a distant second.  Dump this guy and run as far and as fast as possible.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I think two things:

    1. Your boyfriend's brother and family are taking advantage of you, and your boyfriend is letting it happen because he's too much of a wimp to object.

    2. For a student, your grammar is below average.

  • 1 month ago

    If you are working there, the owner of the shop must pay you the award wage for such work as well as have workers compensation insurance to cover you in case of injury. You are not family and his relatives have no claim on you at all. Tell your boyfriend you are not doing it without being properly paid. If he insists, get a new boyfriend.

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