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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Are my parents just lucky??!?

Parents have been married to each other since 1976 and will probably be married to each other in death. They have survived a miscarriage, a still birth, stent surgery, job loss/career loss... they are each other's support and back bone..

While me and (probably maybe even my older brother's) generation??!! Seems like we don't know what real love is and how to commit!! He's a newlywed, 40! Me, I've been through about 5 relationships already... most men can't commit it seems and I've only been proposed to ONCE...!! And I'm in almost 40 (3 years to go)!..

And no I don't stink (not if I can help it really). I think I am pretty enough (for a South East Asian person), I am well educated (both formally and informally!), I know how to be sweet and romantic, so what's my problem??!! I really don't think it's me!!  



Woah some of you guys are really mean with your answers indirectly blaming me. It takes TWO you know to have a successful relationship imo! And no, the reason why I said no to the person's proposal was because he was emtionally and physically abusive with anger, drugs issues and was also divorced with a child! He was also almost 10 years older than me so yeah those are things I didn't WANT in a life partner and I had every right to say no to him! How dare you guys just put all the blame on me!

Update 2:

That's not fair. 

Update 3:

Patricia what are you talking about lol. They were 23 and 24 when they married. They met at work. 

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well, only time will tell for newer marriages, but I'm in my late 40's and have been with my husband for over 20 years now. My two best friends around my age have been married for even longer.

    I'm sure you're a lovely person, but if you keep ending up with men who don't want to commit (what happened to the man who proposed?), then maybe you are falling for, and attracting, the wrong kind of men?

    If that's the case, then it's something you can change.

  • 1 month ago

    So, either your parents got married when they were five years old, or they had a relationship going on before 1976, when they decided to get married.  Because if you're 40, you were born in about 1981.  

    You can find out what "real love" is by using google.  Lots of information about how to be in a relationship, how to be a good partner, what it means to love our partner and more. 

  • 1 month ago

    I have been with my girl since the beginning of 1971.  Today we rode our tandem bike. We were out spraying weeds with our dog.  We sat on the bed and read for a while holding each other's hands.  This is a normal day.  So although luck is involved we have shared each day of our lives together.  The luck was meeting in the first place.  The rest came down to what we did for each other.

    You cannot expect the other person to do all the running and make all the commitment. If you have had 5 failed relationships then it is unlikely that it is the fault of each and every one of these 5 so I wonder if you have offered to them what my girl offered to me.  Unconditional love, support, companionship, sharing.  I couldn't have been so stupid as to let such a catch go. 

    And we have had difficulties along the way.  But getting through these is a part of the glue that keeps us stuck together.

    I agree with n2mama that compromise is absolutely essential.  There are a very few things that are absolute.  But most things involve listening to each other and deciding when to give way and when to be unyielding and when to compromise. 

    Respecting the knowledge and skills of each other in our particular specialties. We did meet young.  I was 19 and she was 18.  My only regret is the few wasted years before I met her.  I certainly have not wasted the years since.

    Your last sentence probably sums up the whole problem.  "I don't think its me".  By implication it is everyone else's fault.  Possibly including God too.


  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No, there may be a little luck involved, but more so hard work. I’m going to guess your parents were pretty young when they met and married, and have had a number of times along the way they have made the decision to stick it out and stay married. You may be unaware of how difficult things were for them sometimes, as nobody really knows a marriage they aren’t a part of directly. 

    As for you and your brother, I have no idea. You’ve been proposed to but decided not to accept, so is it you who doesn’t know how to commit? Do you have certain ideals or expectations for a partner that are unreasonable or unrealistic and that’s why you have struggled? Do you not realize the level of compromise needed for a successful relationship? 

    I’ve only been proposed to once, but I’ve been married to him for 21 years.

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