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Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way?
I'm 24 and all my life I've had low self esteem. I was born with a cleft palate which is where my low self esteem came from. I never had a boyfriend, never had a guy show interest in me, nothing. The only way I lost my virginity was because I met desperate guys online that just wanted to have sex and that would have sex with ANY female willing to even if they're ugly. I never been hit on in real life, never been catcalled, never had ANY guy show interest in me in real life whether it was in person. I feel sad because I accepted that I will never marry many years ago. Both my sisters found someone but I, as the ugliest sister, has never found anyone. I feel worthless and hopeless that I'll never find anyone. I think about suicide all the time because I just feel unworthy and so unloved. I feel useless in this world because I have no friends and no boy wants me.
I'm so desperate for male attention that I even wish a guy would r𝖆𝖕𝖊 me so I feel more important. That may come off as weird but to me that means a guy finds me attractive enough to force me to have sex with him. I can go to the gas station at night by myself without having to "worry" about men, I can walk alone at night without worrying because I'm just so ugly that no guy wants me, even guys desperate enough to see me walk alone then get a chance to see me and realize how ugly I am then they decide they don't want me. Is there something wrong with me for thinking that? I just want to feel attractive to where..
..guys notice me and catcall me and want me.. then I'll feel more important.. not getting that makes me feel lousy and that I'm too ugly to even be noticed by the desperate guys..
- 28AKOLv 51 month ago
U're not going to feel attractive until u actually change your way of thinking and stop comparing yourself to other ppl. Start looking in mirror and say u're beautiful everyday. Pray and ask God to help u open the eyes to your heart to know u don't nd no man to be accepted in life. Jesus loves you and all of us. U have to know your worth and cherish your body as well. Why don't you join a support group for cleft palate. They probably have many of them on facebook. All attention isn't good and watch what you say. The tongue has the power of life and death!! U nd to seek professional help w suicidal thoughts
- Dr. StephanieLv 71 month ago
Honey, you are in desperate need of counseling, for low self esteem and depression. In addition, please keep and use this number, as desired, for the national suicide prevention hotline: 1 800 273-8255. Its 24/7 and free.
You can obtain counseling on line, try Doctors on Demand, and depending on whether you have insurance, it may cost you nothing.
If I were your therapist, I would first see you individually, with the eventual goal of having you participate in group therapy, where you could receive support, feedback, and guidance from others, as well as the therapist.
You said nothing about whether you have been treated for cleft palate or not, whether you've had corrective surgery. I assume you may have had some, at least, or you wouldn't have survived perhaps.
I have a family member also born with a cleft palate, which runs in my husband's family.Indeed, he also had one,which was corrected, long before I ever met him. And only with knowing he had the condition previously, could anyone even guess from how he looks today that anything was ever amiss.
The other family member was born with such a severe case that she wouldn't have been able to live, without corrective surgery.She did have multiple surgeries over time. Today, she is a beautiful, fully functioning young adult, with no trace of anything ever having been amiss. She has graduated from the university with a degree in business, is rising quickly in her profession, has a boyfriend, her own apartment...and a dog.
You can have this too, if you do what's required to resolve things. So please don't lose hope, and instead, get busy on reaching your dreams and goals. Good wishes, good luck,
- sparrowLv 71 month ago
Maybe you should save up for surgery for the cleft palate and it will improve your appearance.