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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 month ago

Do I have to include both my brother's wives as bridesmaids?

I'm not getting married until March of next year, but I'm one who likes to plan early. I've already picked out my bridesmaids, well most of them. I've included one of my brother's wives but left out my other brother's wife because I don't feel that close to her. My parents are upset because they think I need to include both or leave out both. They are paying for the wedding but I don't think they have the right to dictate who my bridesmaids should be. What should I do?

17 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Diplomacy--start as you mean to go on. Think of your brother. Ask her.

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Unless you have something against her I think she should be included. Good Luck and congratulations.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you were paying for the wedding you'd have more freedom to do as you please but it's generally understood that he who foots the bills gets to have input into the event. Brides often get so wrapped up in the wedding plans that they fail to understand this is just one day out of many and that the relationships they damage on that day tend to stay broken. Who's in your bridal party is infinitely less important than will be your ability to show your face at family functions for the rest of your life. Excluding one sister-in-law could produce blowback that would impact your relationship with your brother and his relationship to the rest of the family. TL;DR: it's not all about you. 

  • 1 month ago

    You have put the hosts of the wedding, your parents, in an awkward position to fund an event that excludes their daughter-in-law. That is why they are upset.

    But, this is YOUR wedding, and you should be able to select your own attendants.

    You say you are not close to one of your brother's wives. Maybe as a bridesmaid you could extend the olive branch and BECOME closer to her. You said you were not finished selecting your bridal party, so there is still room for your sister-in-law, perhaps. After all, if there is still space for another attandent and a friend has not already come to mind or been chosen, why not select her?

    But, if you are adamantly against the idea, then do not waiver and stand your ground. 

    Pick your poison. Be upset that you were forced to conform to your parents expectations or relalize that there may be emotional consequences otherwise.

    Sometimes when I need to make a decision, I think of it as which choice leaves me with the less negative consequences and proceed from that viewpoint.

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  • 1 month ago

    You don't have to include anyone as bridesmaids. You get to pick the women closest to you - and if that's not your brother's wives, then they don't get picked.

    Just like you don't get to dictate your husband's best man...

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Like someone said, as long as someone else is paying, your parents have the right to dictate everything. I suggest that you pay for your own wedding, and you plan your wedding the way that you want to. OR you could have a better relationship with the sister-in-law that you don't know very well. This could be a really great opportunity to get closer to her. 

  • 1 month ago

    LOL your parents are really intrusive and controlling, aren't they? It's not their wedding, it's YOUR wedding.  Pick your own bridesmaids.  

  • 1 month ago

    Here's the thing.  If your parents are paying, they can dictate anything they want and they DO have this right.  The people who pay are by definition the hosts of the event.  

    If your parents are attaching strings this soon, and over something personal like your bridesmaids, you and your fiance may want to re-think accepting their money.  This is why most of us pay our own way today.  When we do this, we get to decide everything and it's rude for anyone, even a parent, to comment on it.  Some parents just hand over a check and let the couple do their thang; with others, they want to micromanage every single detail.  Your parents sound like the latter.

  • donnie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Who's wedding is this again? Is it your brothers? Is it your brothers wife? Is it your parents? NO! It is (I am not for sure if your the bride or groom) I am assuming your the bride but this is YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUSBANDS (if I got this right just vice versa if not). As long as you where not rude about anything they don't need to start drama over something stupid. Hopefully everyone comes some families are like that just want to start drama over dumb things.  

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    There is no reason why everyone needs to be in the wedding party.  Your bridesmaids should be close family or friends. 

    Not every sibling needs to be in the wedding party, or in law, or first cousin, or sorority sister.

    What does your brother say? Is he or his wife upset at her not being a bridesmaids? 

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