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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

What can we do for brother in law?

My husband's brother who is 65 years old married to a 62 year old woman for 17 years. My husband and I rent an apartment from him and my father in law who is98 years old, also lives with us in the same apartment. My father in law had 250K in his checking account.  Recently there was a 20K check made out to my sister in law.  When we inquired about it, my father in law said that she came up to him and threatened him. It turned out to be true. Also my brother in law asked another 50K from his father to pay his wife's gambling debt that we did not know about.  Turned out that they are in severe debt almost bankrupt. My husband who is the cosigner for his checking account agreed to give 50K to his brother from his father's account with his father's full knowledge. I (may be not my place, I know) asked my husband to ask his father to change his will because he had 250K and now 180K left. This will continue to decrease with this rate. Since than my sister in law can kill me, she is very hostile, she acts like I did something wrong. My husband understands me but says that he is trying to help his brother. This woman will not stop gambling and she will take every penny that my father in law has. Per my husband his brother might divorce her over finances but when after she takes all the money? How can we help brother in law without telling him what to do.  His finances are severely damaged so is credits.

6 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    One additional suggestion: this is elder abuse, to steal money from an old man. Report it to senior services in your community.It is a crime and there needs to be an investigation and probably prosecution. Your father in law may also need a conservator to help protect him and manage his finances. Talk to a lawyer about taking action, or social services.

    Your brother in law is caught up with a compulsive gambler and should contact gambler's anonymous for skilled help, as should his wife.

    Protect yourselves! Get out of the situation and also protect your assets. Good luck,

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you truly think his wife might kill you I wouldn't worry about your BIL. You and your spouse need to find another place to live and take his father with you. 

  • 1 month ago

    I would suggest, though your FIL's money is no more my business than yours, that you support your husband NOT cosigning any more checks for his brother and that you three find somewhere else to live. Your FIL's will is simply none of your business at all and if you wed your husband for his Father's money..... poor choice because at the top of his game, it's not enough money to make into lasting family divisions. 

    Bottom line, your BIL has a serious issue on his hands and if nothing else, find literature on gamblers anonymous and their support group for spouses and families. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    "How can we help brother in law without telling him what to do."

    You can't and, more to the point, you shouldn't even try.  He's not going to divorce this psycho he married.  He probably said that to get your husband off his back.  Look at all the problems you have because of this "help".  Your poor FIL even got threatened!

    On the rest, I have a couple questions.  Why is your husband a co-signer on his dad's account?  It would make a lot more sense to get a full POA, even if Dad is still sharp mentally.  That means ANY legal business goes through your husband, even something as simple as signing a check.  It's a pretty straightforward process.  This takes away any reason for your BIL or his wife to extort money from him.

    2nd, why on earth would you and your husband rent from his brother and his psycho wife?  Was this part of your husband's desire to "help"?  Your life would be very different if the 2 of  you plus dad were in your own place where your bro couldn't just enter and harass his dad.

    I don't know if your husband will cooperate, but you need to stand firm.  This is a scary question and I'm not sure you see that.  In many situations, it's great when sibs are close and want to help each other.  But this isn't one of those situations.  It's a toxic type relationship/. 

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  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The answer is obvious. Why is 

    your brother in law remaining 

    married to someone like that? 

    Your husband should not be 

    bailing his brother out in any 

    way, so long as she remains 

    in the picture. Your husband 

    and his brother have had 

    THREATS made against 

    their father, and yet are 

    just going to hand over 

    their fathers money? 


  • 1 month ago

    She's a wh0re!

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