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Should my mom ground my 17 year old brother?

My mom never has let my brother do much of anything. He has LITERALLY 0 friends. He never goes anywhere. Hes always at home. She drank ALOT to where I had to go pick him up all the time because he was scared. She ended up breaking her hips and he took care of her. Helped clean, cook, went to the store for her. Took her on walks. Everything. She got her hips replaced and now has stopped drinking but now she wont even let him hang out at my house. She will say he can come over for 2 hrs every once in awhile and if hes late at all she says hes grounded and cant talk to me or go anywhere with us. Its like she wants him to be trapped in the house with only her 24/7.

My house isnt bad either. None of us drink or do drugs. I have 3 kids and am pregnant and we just play games and cook or go to the park or fishing. 

Am I wrong for thinking him not being allowed more freedom is wrong? I could see it if he was getting arrested or going to parties or something but literally all he does is comes over here to help me out and spend time with me. And still makes sure he helps her do what she needs done there too.


Also, he wants his license and a job but she REFUSES to order him a birth certificate. I told him he can come stay with me (the cops all know her in our town so they wouldn't make him go home. I left at 16 because of her drinking and drug use)

5 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    This is a 17 year old CHILD.

    A CHILD is NOT responsible for taking care of it's parent and so your brother is being used (BIG TIME) by his mother who should get her own nursing care.

    this has caused her to become overly controlling of him so that he doesn't get an independent life of his own.  Adolescence is a time to learn self-sufficiency, independence and responsibility for yourself.  she is preventing him from learning these important life skills.

  • 1 month ago

    So apparently, his mother is an alcoholic and also dependent?  The good news is that within a year's time, he'll be a legal adult and can do as he chooses.  Your home sounds like a much healthier option for him. But going places right now has its risks, with the pandemic still raging.  You are right to be concerned: she encourages his dependence, and its herself that is dependent upon him, not only physically, but emotionally, as well. He is in danger of becoming crippled emotionally, if he doesn't strive for independence and freedom, regardless of his mother's exhortations, rules,or  needs. Folie a deux, its called: mutual interdependence of a crippling nature. Now is the time to encourage his maturing and independence, and with your help, he may in time achieve both."Grounding" is a form of punishment for some misbehavior. From what you said, your brother hasn't done anything for which to be "grounded". But he is entrapped, in a cage, and its so unhealthy for him. Please continue to take this seriously, since some people end up living this way for the entire rest of their lives.  See if you can get him into counseling. You can do so on line, with a zoom connection, try Doctor on Demand. if there is insurance, the cost can be as little as Zero. Good luck and good wishes, 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    not if he didnt do anything

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He can move out when he's 18.  By the time you argue your mother into giving him more freedom he will be old enough to just do what he wants to do.

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    No, he should not and the way she's treating him is not normal

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