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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 month ago

My crush for him started to fade away and now I'm seeing what's missing in my relationship with him. I am not sure about the future, any ?

Advice?

So a little background: at 17 I met a guy who's 6 years older than me. He was my first crush and I was sure I loved him since the very first time I saw him (it was my first crush ever). He was so different from guys my age, he was serious, handsome, he worked, he dressed differently, with woollen pullovers and neutral colored trousers. I fell for him right away, while he was kind of cold and didn't talk or interact with anyone, except for some of his fellow  countrywomen who worked as caregivers. Anyway we got together slowly, he started to know me and get attached to me while to me was the opposite, the more I knew him the more I compared him to other guys my age, who are not foreign, who are more extroverted and spontaneous. Yet he has those expressive, attentive eyes that make me feel like he's an angel. I also feel like my friends don't want to hang out with me anymore the way they used to because of him (he doesn't get on with their boyfriends, says he's foreign and they treat him differently). I love him so much but at the same time I want to be a 19 years old girl and live the typical teenage love I haven't lived yet. He's 25 and he works, has responsibilities, he built his own house and now wants me to meet his mom. I am scared to go to poland cause I imagine it to be a grey, foggy land with depressed people. But I will go there just to make him happy. Writing this I feel so at fault for not being able to love him the way I want to.

6 Answers

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    If I were you I would forget that guy.  He's way too old and if you go to a different country with him there's nobody got your back.  Think long and hard before you do anything stupid.  Your best bet is with that group of friends who don't even like him because he shouldn't ever even have looked your way.  Good Luck and God Bless.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    That age difference at this age makes a huge difference. You had a crush on an older guy. 

    It has faded, you want to date other. So break up and move on. You sound very young. Which is fine at 19. You need to move on and take some time to grow up. He is ready for marriage. You are no where near ready. Break up and quit wasting his time. Go get an education or training for a job. 

    Your views on Poland are naive and ignorant.  

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    He was different from guys your age because he wasn't your age. You were a child and he was a grown adult. Not sure why you think everyone in Poland is "depressed" as that's a fairly successful EU nation with a growing economy and is a hotspot for European investment. But at 19 you're probably not ready for what he wants and this is because you still need to live your youth and experience life whereas he's obviously already gotten to travel, live abroad and do all those things he's trying to deny to you. Tell him either things slow down or you'll have to end things with him. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Oh god! We need to repeal the 19th amendment now! 

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  • 1 month ago

    So you are very determined to be madly in love even though the better you know this guy the less you care for him. What a great recipe for unhappiness! 

    Women who are anxious to be in love, to be in a relationship, who are eager or even hopeful for a love relationship are women who are in for a lot of unhappiness. In their eagerness and hopefulness they start a relationship with the guy's shortcomings being "under the radar." But with time they can't overlook those shortcomings any longer and are less happy with the guy, with the relationship than they had hoped and imagined they would be. 

    So they get out of that disappointing unhappy relationship. But do they celebrate dodging a bullet, rejoice at regaining their freedom? Oh noooo. They sing the blues that they are alone. And then eagerly hopefully rush into another relationship. And once again the guy can't live up to their high high hopes and so they become unhappy with the relationship .....

    Scale your goals down to something of less grandeur than "a great love." Something like "an enjoyable date, possibly leading to additional enjoyable dates." That's a goal you can reasonably expect to achieve without bending over backwards to make it happen. And you're not going to be devastated if a date turns out badly, merely disappointed. 

    Unreasonable expectations is a sure way to end up with bitter disappointment. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Yea so......you don't love this guy, you had a little crush on him and it started to fade away over time. Time to be honest with yourself and break up with this guy. 

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