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How can I convince my dad and brothers that my mom isnt "brainwashing" me anymore?
Back in the day she used to brainwash me and tell me my dad and brothers were bad people. But now that I am old enough to start thinking for myself I can see it now. Back in the day I used to push away my dad and brothers and in a way I still do till this day. But this is the part where it gets confusing for my dad and brothers because they still think my mom is still brainwashing me. Dont get me wrong. She still is trying to. But the key word here is "trying ". My mom doesnt have to try to do anything to me to make me stay with her. I do it by my own choice. I care for my mom a lot. She was diagnosed with depression in 2014 when she had her first stroke. My parents separated when I was 8 in 2006. And all my older brothers have a track history of running away from home by their teen years. (3 older brothers, 1 younger, no sisters). I believe she has bi polar disorder and an array of other personality disorders too because she tends to sexualize situations she shouldn't be. I believe if left alone and untreated she will pass away sadly and live a lonely life. She tried to scare me away from everybody else because she was scared of being abandoned. I believe she was abandoned or felt abandoned as a kid. Probably some type if trauma and hasn't forgotten. And she found that the only way to make people stay was by blackmailing them or using other tactics. But yes mostly blackmailing them. Unfortunately it didnt work for long because our dad left and like I said all my older
Brothers had fled away from home since their teen years. The problem I have with them (my older brother and dad) is that they have a very powerful hatred for my mom. And when they try to convince me to go stay with them I tell them no. Not because my mom is brainwashing me, but because I know my mom cant stay alone.
In a way I feel like I am doing her a big disservice my doing what seems to be enabling her behavior (and lifestyle) but I am also very afraid if I leave her she will die somewhere by herself and alone. My aunty died this way too and she too had a stroke.. she passed away from having low blood sugar in the middle of the night and it made me cry so much because I felt like I could have helped her.. she was all alone in an apartment complex where nobody knew her or visited her and it made
me cry so so much for her. She lived a sad life and my mom has lived a similar life too. All my aunt's kids left her and didnt provide care for her. My mom did the same thing too and I dont blame her for leaving her sister alone in an apartment complex even though she knew what condition she was in but I felt like my mom could have done something to help her own sister out. Instead my mom was the one who kicked her out and that's why she had to find her own place to live...
I'm positive my mom feels guilty about it because she cries whenever she thinks about her sister now. Now she has the same condition as her and is loving the same type of lifestyle. I remember my aunt had to use a crane to walk and now my has to do the same thing. It makes me so sad because it feels like a cycle full of sadness and loneliness. I dont want my mom to pass away like my aunt did. And I know it's not my fault. I just want to be here for my mom if she passes away cause I know she is
scared of being lonely. Anyways back to my question. I just want to tell my brothers and father that I am staying with my mom if my own free will. But they keep taking this to my mom and blaming her for brainwashing me and the worst part is she has a stroke now so she csnt simply walk away. Now she cries to me like a child who never had a mother or a father. And her mom passed away a couple of years ago too. She lived up to about 100 years.
Now my mom has nobody to vent to. She calls distant relatives and even complete strangers to talk to them but I know it's only a temporary fix. In the end her relationships always fall apart. And just yesterday after 15+ years of little to no contact my dad showed up at our front porch and he asked me to take me and my little brother to go out to eat, but he didnt even think about who would look after my mom if we all went out. She cant even walk by herself because she has vertigo.
If she needed to use the bathroom or eat or choked on something she couldn't do anything. And I love both parents a lot but it's like my dad and brother doesnt even care for her anymore. Not even in terms of just relationship but also if she died they could care less and that's what makes me very very sad. It is the driving point if me being pissed with them and they cant seem to understand me. They keep thinking my mom is brainwashing me and she isnt. I want my mom to live a happy life.
I dont want to have her die alone. I guess I'm only doing this for myself now that I think about it
But I cant let ..dont want to let what happened to my aunty happen to my mom..
- PearlLv 71 month ago
i wouldnt bother,, they might not believe you
- Anonymous1 month ago
Wow. You are dealing with a lot more than you should have to. There are 2 things that are very obvious. First, you desperately need some talk therapy. This is the best gift you can give yourself. By my math, you're around 23 and you are at risk of sacrificing your entire life to be with your mom, based on guilt and fear. You may not see this yet, but your 1st loyalty is always to yourself, and you've already given up some prime years. You owe your mom a lot, but never this much.
Second, it sounds like mom needs a full time live in caretaker. This doesn't have to cost much. In fact, where I live, I see ads on craigslist where an LPN/LVN offers this service in exchange for free rent. It sounds like you aren't in the US, but there has to be a way this could be set up.
When your dad and brothers want you to live with them, they mean well, but they don't understand what you're going through. This is especially true of your dad. Talk to him and tell him ALL of the stuff you said here. You might even print out this question. He needs to help you get someone installed in your mom's home so it doesn't become your prison. Then get that therapy.