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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

How do you break ties with an ex-friend if you have a friend in common?

So I used to have two best friends, known hereafter as Person A, who is still my best friend, and Person B, who I *thought* was my best friend, but completely broke my trust and with whom I no longer wish to be associated. She was manipulative and toxic for quite some time, and I overlooked it at first because she was my friend, but recently she just took it too far and it's not going to work anymore. (And my mind is set, by the way, so I am not looking for answers telling me to "forgive and forget." I've put up with her nonsense for far too long already.) 

Anyway, the problem is, usually I would cut Person B off with little issue, as I do with all toxic people, but she's still friends with Person A, and I don't want to lose my friendship with Person A. I haven't even spoken with Person A about it all that much because if I did, she would get caught up in the middle of her two best friends fighting and I don't want to put her through that. It's hard enough being betrayed by someone I thought was my friend, without worrying that I'll lose someone who I actually really like. I've decided to be civil to Person B from now on, not for her, but for Person A. It will cause Person B to think I've forgiven her (or even that she hasn't done anything wrong, since she still hasn't really apologized), but that might be what it takes to keep the peace. Is that the right decision? Has anyone else had this problem?

Update:

@Pearl, that would normally be good advice but we used to be together, all three of us, at the same time. If A and I just suddenly started hanging out without her, it would be weird because, like I said, she's friends with A and they hang out a lot. If I avoided hanging out with A just because B was there, I would have a lot less time with A, which, like I said, is what I'm trying to avoid.

4 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    I wouldn't even be in the same room with this Person B.... if your other friend wants all of you to get together, just let her know you'd be happy to do something with her sometime.  You can tell her that you'd prefer not to hang out with Person B anymore, for your own personal reasons.  If she asks why, then let her know it's not up for discussion because you don't want to involve her.  That's the truth, isn't it?  she needs to know the truth.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No need specifically to ‘break ties’. Just move on with your life and develop new friendships

  • 1 month ago

    Your mutual friend needs to be aware and I would just slowly show less interest, text less frequently and make it so infrequent to the point of where they loose interest to.

  • 1 month ago

    just dont see them at the same time

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