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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Please can anyone help ?

During a conversation with my pastor/friend we were discussing what’s been happening with my son and he pretty much shamed me saying I should pray for forgiveness fir not following Gods word in raising my sons!  my teenage boys are having issues and because we have been very inconsistent with church the pastor said it’s my fault! I talk about God daily in life situations but I’ve tried church and Bible study throughout the years since they were young 5/6) I’ve gotten them to go five times tops and it was not positive. they both  have adhd and one has odd. It’s very difficult to stay for the sermon and they aren’t listening. when I told him that my younger son has been talking back, yelling at me and got a puppy when I said no he was very judgmental saying “ I’ve been telling you for years to go to church but you never did , now you are suffering ( we talk once every three months) he then  said “ it’s not odd or adhd , it’s sinning” then he said I should have disciplined them more. I did discipline them and sought professional help for them all as a single mom. a child with obstinate defiant  disorder is very difficult  to discipline nether mind take to church. Then he gave me a list of Bible verses and said read these parenting verses!  I’m 55 and my kid are now 16,17! I feel like a horrible parent . Am I wrong to feel angry with him? he’s supposed to be someone I can talk to yet the last few conversations I always feel as if I’m a lousy parent /Christian.


Thankyou Judy and Charlie !😊

7 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Don't go to a pastor for counseling unless you are looking for pastoral counseling. They are not trained to provide therapy and are going to be biased toward their representation of the church. If you need support with children who have mental health disorders, you need to seek support from a mental health clinician. Someone who has actual training about ADHD and ODD, who has knowledge about the realities of how the brain is different in people with those disorders. Find a Christian therapist who can balance supporting your faith, if that's a desire you have, with supporting the day to day of raising children with complicated diagnoses. Here's the thing about what God has to say about parenting... very little. People who do not understand human development nor understand hermaneutics (translating the Bible) are going to throw a select few verses at you and tell you to pray about it. I'm sorry that was your experience and I'm sorry the message you are getting from other Christians is that all your problems will be solved if you just go to church and pray because it's not true and not all Christians and not all churches are like you've experienced. 

  • 1 month ago

    Don't blame yourself that much. We all know that raising teenagers is not an easy task. But there is help. The link below contains a series of excellent articles that have helped parents around the world to better deal with their teenagers. I wish you success in this task.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    A member of clergy can really only provide religious guidance and so of course their interpretation of a situation would be seen through that lens. But that's only one facet of life and so is only a partial view. ADHD is an actual medical diagnosis and while for some people maybe prayer would help them feel better about about, prayer alone isn't going to do much more than put an emotional Band-Aid on it. You also need to be working with doctors, therapists and special ed teachers. 

  • 1 month ago

    I'm sorry but your "pastor" is no friend and he certainly likes to beat you up emotionally and blame you.  (Jesus Christ never did this!) 

    And your pastor is not a licensed medical mental health provider and so he cannot diagnose your sons nor advise you how to handle them, can he?  And so pounding on you with blame is pretty shameful.

    If the pastor is such a whiz, why doesn't he get off his butt and come over to your house and talk to your sons about their behavior?  Why doesn't he make an effort to work with them one on one?

    Your sons should be under the care of medical doctors who are mental health specialists...or at least their own pediatrician.  And what are your son's schools doing about their behaviors?  Are they in specialized classrooms and has the school psychologist done any testing on them?  HOW CAN YOU FIX THIS IF YOU DON'T WORK WITH THE DOCTORS AND SCHOOL?

    And one more thing, as a woman and a mother...DON'T LET YOUR SONS OR THIS PASTOR KICK YOU AROUND AND BLAME YOU!  Stand up.  Take charge.  Be effective as a parent.

    Jesus Christ chose his women disciples for their ability to handle responsibility and they rewarded him by standing up and coming through every time.  You, as a Christian woman should be the same.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you should go to another church

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Just say your boys had a bad experience at church because he’s been sodomizing your boys. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Don't ask people for their opinion/their help when you don't actually want their opinion/help.  This is his opinion.  Yes, you're wrong to ask for an opinion and then resent that same opinion.

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