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My boyfriend is irritating me. Please read.?
Hello im 37 and my boyfriend is 33. we dated 2 years ago and he dumped me cause he had to go back to his home town to take care of dad dumped me suddenly and didnt keepin touch which i find wrong. anyway we reconnected recently he says he still has feelings for me and i told him we can take it slow and he said that is fine but he is getting insecure and wants to label our relationship wants to be my boyfriend and i dont feel like im there yet and also i think its rude to have left me for 2 years with no contact. i want kids but it looking like i never will have them since im getting up in age and this relationship is not working out. also everything he says pisses me off like even when he tries to help me i get annoyed by him like hes trying to buy my love. should i just leave?i feel like i dont want to let him go either cause im liking the attention from him. but i dont trust him and think hes arrogant.
- Lil_FighterLv 42 months agoFavorite Answer
You don't trust him because it is still unresolved as to why he left for 2 years. It sounds like he didn't give you a clear answer and so understandably you are wary about investing in a relationship with someone you fear could just get up and leave again. More to the point you don't feel that your feelings have been validated. If he had written you a letter explaining, or if he had sent you a heartfelt message acknowledging that he was in the wrong then maybe you would feel more respected. I think this boils down to you feeling disrespected by him. Not sure how long you were together the first time around or how deep your relationship was but the connection between you is important and if you don't feel you could love him then cut your losses and leave the situation. If you feel like you could love him but there are unresolved issues here then bring them up and make him understand how he has made you feel. Just saying that he needed to take care of his dad doesn't seem like enough. He could have contacted you in the two years.
I know of a similar situation with a woman who did this to her boyfriend but she ended things with him and never really gave a reason - she hinted that she had been raped but he didn't know for sure. Then she came back to him, apologised and fully explained that she had been raped and could not be in a relationship. She experienced a lot and withdrew not only from him but from everyone in her life. He understood and forgave her, he apologised sincerely. They built on their trust and are now married. The reason it worked is because they always loved each other deeply and were each other's soulmates. It depends on your situation but perhaps ask him for the truth, for the real reason he walked away. If it is just about his dad then it just doesn't feel worth it. If he was dealing with a lot more than that and hasn't been honest then give him a chance to tell you. It sounds like you feel he is arrogant because he is just taking it for granted that you will be his girlfriend again. You have a lot riding on this as you want children, so really focus on what you want and try to visualise this man in your future. Visualise him as the father of your children and if it doesn't feel right then, leave it and find someone else. If you can visualise him and you really want him then ask all the questions you need answered. This is your future and you have to be selfish now and think about what is best for you. Good luck :-)
- 2 months ago
First you call him your boyfriend. Then you say he "wants to be my boyfriend." Which is it?
If you're dating someone, then the question is "Are you enjoying the dates?" If not, then why would you spend your time doing something you aren't enjoying?
If you're boyfriend-girlfriend with someone, then the question is "Am I better off WITH this boyfriend-girlfriend connection in my life, WITH being so involved with this person?" If you be better off WITHOUT the connection, WITHOUT the person, then why are continuing something you'd be better off without?
- gLv 72 months ago
You don't even sound like you like this guy. Why are you bothering at all, because he's the one around right now? Bad reason.
- Anonymous2 months ago
I think your boyfriend needs to respect your desire to take things slow. He needs to understand that everyone moves in and out of relationships at different rates and that you are no different. He also needs to realize the affect that his actions had on you in leaving you. From what you are saying there seems to be a lot of unresolved conflict between you. I would not dump him but I think you need to air your grievances with him and work through these problems or your relationship with him will ultimately fail. At the very least I would reinforce to him that you will be taking things slow and if he has a problem with this then he should leave.