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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

does it sound like my boyfriend might have a bipolar disorder? he seems obsessed with me one day then switches into a monster the next?

I tried to rule out anything like depression because he's told me over and over again he is not suffering from depression but he gets set off from the most ridiculous things. like dreams i have he gets mad when i tell him about certain dreams. He was angry at me for asking my brother if he was going to be a groomsman in his wedding. He said he finds himself irritated when He constantly thinks im cheating on him and even ask to send me pictures of my location because he doesn't trust me.

He said the other day "I'm getting real disrespectful because it's time for us to split." then the next day he writes me a paragraph about how he can't picture my life without him and how i'm the best thing that ever happen. He said I'm his queen and one true love." Then he's always sending me pictures of big houses and lavish vacations he wants for our future and he said he's planning a cruise ship vacation for us. He wants us to get married immediately because he said its time. He goes back and forth on whether he wants us to continue to have sex or wait until marriage but he says he doesnt feel right sinning so we should get married immediately. he said we can do a courthouse marriage and then later downthecroad have a weddingbut I don't know if i want to get married while his moods with me are so rocky.  I want to make sure hes in this for the long haul. I don't believe in divorce and yes we have been together for 5 years and most people would be ready by now, i just


i need to make sure hes in this for the long haul. im tired of him always threatening to leave every time hes upset with me. And when he left me the first couple times he slept with the mother of his child the same day. He aplogized and said he felt badly about it. He just said she was more sexually compatible with him and although he doesnt like her he does like the way she performs in bedroom. I admit he was my first and only so im not experienced much but try to do my best 

Update 2:

he is 38, i'm 29. I have no kids. He has 3 kids, and he has two women he knocked up before he got with me.

Update 3:

Me and my boyfriend were friends before we got together and he had an explosive temper with her as well. I have been his longest relationship though. I forgot why he left her but I know he constantly talked about how much she hurt him in the first year we were together

Update 4:

hes constantly texting and calling me while at work during his obsessed with me days and he is currently living with his mom. used to leave with an old girlfriend when he was 20 but now he's back at home.

9 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Bipolar isn't usually one day on/one day off. This sounds more like a personality disorder (or two). Wonder why you've waited five years to make it an issue. The bottom line is that personality orders can't generally be treated all that effectively and a person really has to want to change for anything to work. So maybe if you can talk him into wanting to change he'd be willing to get into cognitive behavioral therapy and start working with mental health professionals. But you've stayed with him for a very long time despite his outbursts so you may not have any real leverage over him to get him to deal with this...especially not if he's already talking about breaking up. 

  • 2 months ago

    He's a narcissist.  His behavior says it all.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Holy crap.  I see this a lot, both in real life and here.  You're trying to diagnose him because in your mind, it might make his behavior better if he's "mentally ill".  Don't do this to yourself.  You have wasted 5 years with a jerk who likes to manipulate and pull your strings.  You've ignored many red flags and you've tried to put a positive spin on negative things.  Worst of all, you're so focused on irrelevant details you can't stop talking about them.  This means he's way too much in your head.

    Please get out of this mess, get some talk therapy to learn why you stuck around so long, and start your life.  To be a bit blunt, in my dating days, the 1st time I encountered "monster" behavior, I would have been gone for good.  The result is I'm married to an awesome guy who gives me the "good" stuff, but doesn't make me pay for it by acting like a jerk/.

  • 2 months ago

    You've lived with him long enough to know the roller-coaster. I suggest you get off it but, of course, that is entirely your decision. My advice is that you do NOT marry this man. 

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  • 2 months ago

    For god's sake girl - he tells you his Ex is better in bed and so he cheats with her and you are still together because? 

    He has 3 Ex's, two have his kids. Seems obsessive with you? Does a lot of the carrot and stick with you - reward for what he sees as "good" behaviour, but carries on when you stand up to him in the slightest way? Probably did the same  each of them too. 

    Wants to feel women want him, and that he is the most important thing to them - in fact the ONLY thing of importance. How many of those arguments where he threatened to walk out were about doing something YOU wanted? When they can't be solely for for him (like by having his kids to care for, for example) he moves onto someone who can. See the pattern yet? 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You are a complete idiot if you remain with this guy, regardless of any monumentally dubious diagnosis you might get from random strangers on the internet.

  • 2 months ago

    My husband used to tell me "over and over" that there was nothing wrong with him, too. For 20 years. Then he got diagnosed with severe depression. 

    I'm not saying your guy has depression, I'm just saying you can't always trust what people tell you, even when you love them, because there's this thing called "denial." People don't like to admit when they have problems, and they don't like to face unpleasant things. 

    Sounds to me like the question isn't "is he in it for the long haul" but are you? This is it. This is exactly who he is. He's not going to magically change when you marry him. If anything, he'll get worse because he'll know you "don't believe in divorce." So he'll have no motivation to change. 

    You mention things he wants to do "some day." Big houses, lavish vacations, marriage. It's been five years. If he hasn't done these things by now, he's not going to. 

    Meanwhile, he doesn't trust you, he gets mad when you talk about silly things like dreams, and he prefers his ex to you in the bedroom? I don't think he's the only one in "denial" in this relationship. 

    I would get as far away from this guy as fast as I could.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    If you want a medical diagnosis, then he needs to see a Physician.  Other than that, it's your life.

  • Lili
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    Bipolar people don't change from day to day. That's not how it works.

    Obviously you don't want to marry this guy when he is so problematic, but he needs to see a psychiatrist (and I do mean a psychiatrist, not a psychologist and not just a "counselor") for a full assessment, an evaluation.  I think he's probably suffering from a significant personality disorder, but I wouldn't venture to say which one.

    I don't know whether you can convince him to seek help, so if you can't ,YOU should see a therapist and figure out what to do about the relationship.  I don't think you should ever marry someone with problems of this kind, so you may need help with figuring out how to extricate yourself from this long-term relationship and move on.

    Good luck.

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