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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Why is the silent treatment bad?

After something happens. I just have nothing to say, no desire to talk to him or her.  I'm not punishing them I just don't want to speak to them. As for withholding sex, when you are mad or not getting along with someone why are you obligated to provide them with sex that seems abhorrent ?  For others withholding sex may be the final bit of leverage they have.

6 Answers

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    There is a massive difference between 

    being upset/angry enough with someone 

    to not want to have sex, and using the 

    withholding of sex as "leverage". 

  • RP
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    One reason this isn't advisable is it perpetuates the disagreement and preserves a hostile environment. Unless it is resolved relatively quickly, like no more than a day or so, it may prove irreversible. If one doesn't want to talk to her/his partner, sex would seem impossible.

  • 2 months ago

    Being silent because you simply have zero desire to talk is sometimes just a fact. That isn't "the silent treatment". That's just being silent because YOU don't want to talk. That can be rewarding for both parties. When people here talk about the silent treatment, they tend to crouch it in manipulative terms. Pay back. Manipulate. Intend hurt or harm. Power play games. All of those things are destructive. However, having a few hours or days where you just hold your tongue because it brings you more peace than not? How is that "bad"? I'd think it, sometimes, a breath of fresh air. Letting the air clear before engaging. I don't think that's the same thing as "the silent treatment". Heck, just holding your tongue for awhile can be a kindness! 

  • 2 months ago

    It is a form of punishing the other person . It solves nothing. It makes for additional lack of communication and therefore stands in the way of resolving any issues. Its immature. All good reasons to affirm that "giving the silent treatment" is not only bad, but unproductive and even destructive.  If communication and problem solving skills are lacking, as is often the case, they can be learned, often with the assistance of a counselor. 

  • 2 months ago

    By definition, in a relationship (friendship, romance) people deal with differences and issues by NEGOTIATING IN GOOD FAITH. If two people aren't working together to find constructive solutions, aren't doing that good faith negotiating to keep the relationship strong and happy, then it's not much of a relationship. It's just people spending time together without forming any strong bonds or gaining any deeper understanding of one another. 

    To refuse to work at reaching a mutually acceptable resolution to differences and issues is to refuse to have a real relationship, to insist on keeping things on a "we'll spend time together but I'm not willing to put any effort into building an actual relationship" basis. Is that what you want?

    Friendship pairs, couples -- they don't have to agree on everything. But they do need to agree on how they're going to deal with disagreement. I'd bet you dollars to dingleberries that the "him or her" who's getting your silent treatment doesn't agree with your "refuse to negotiate" ideas on how to deal with disagreement. 

    Added later: Seedy? How is "I just want to talk to you" effectively different from "I just don't want to discuss and negotiate this issue with you"? It's about doing what must be done to build and maintain relationships with others rather than doing whatever you feel like. If you're not willing to do something not-fun for the sake of having a good relationship with a person then you don't care much about having that good relationship, don't care about the person.  

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    because it does not solve anything it just causes further resentment. and not having sex with someone because you are upset with them and do not feel close to them and have unresolved arguments with them is not the same as purposely withholding sex which is a a passive aggressive way to manipulate them

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