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Should I be worried about old photos?
My husband is 51 years old. I'm 50. We've been together some almost 19 years, married for the past 11 almost. Well, on one of the shelves on his desk he has a large box of old photos dating back to his college days and up until shortly before we started dating. College friends and shenanigans, vacations and his family moments, and even old girlfriends. My husband has a 24 year old daughter from a girl he dated years before me met me. And in the box of photos is a group of pics from when his daughter was born, literally birth photos. He showed his daughter the photos a number of years ago and then they all have been in the box under one of the shelves on his desk. Well, his daughter id due to give birth to his first official granddaughter any day now and when I walked in the bedroom I noticed he had pulled the box out. On top of the box was the set of photos from his daughter's birth. I asked him why he pulled them out and he said that when the baby is born he wants to compare how his daughter looked at her birth to how his granddaughter looks when she is born. Again, these are photos of his daughter's mom's most intimate parts during her delivery. I would rather not see those and I'm wondering is it just me or should he have these out in view? Ladies, how would you feel if your man / bf / husband had a box of photos with ex-girlfriends and more importantly, photos of the birth of his child? I have asked him to get rid of some of the photos but he refuses.
Would I be wrong to ask him to get rid of some of the photos? No, he's not going to get rid of his daughter's birth photos but what about the other ex-girlfriend's he's got in there. Vacations they took together, family events that she was invited to, and just general photos with them on it.
- Anonymous1 month ago
No need to worry. Let it go and enjoy your life and please find something worthy to worry about.
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
If I'd agreed to marry someone who already had a child I'd fully expect that that child's baby pictures would be important to him. Under the circumstances and after nearly two decades together if this is really the hill you're willing to die on your marriage has other problems you're not divulging here. It's emotional abuse to demand that he "get rid" of his child's baby pictures.
- Anonymous1 month ago
You are constantly posting about issues with your marriage. I need you need to have a long hard think about whether you have a future together
- Dr. StephanieLv 71 month ago
Whether you're right or wrong, it doesn't matter, if he refuses to do as you have asked. Instead, you might try asking him to put them away where you don't have to see them, since it offends you.
He's quite a keeper of mementos, and you didn't say anything about how happy you two are together, which may make a difference in how we advise you.
These photos are his history. Agreed,old girlfriends and their private parts are a bit much, but otherwise, it seems to be no big deal that he wants to keep his memories intact. Don't you have some of your own?
He was and is a package deal, photos or no photos, and decide whether it impacts on your relationship or not. That's the thing to focus on, not visual reminders and mementos.
Now, "Snow", I did a little research on you: you have now received over 1,098 replies, to questions asked for over the past TEN YEARS ! And a good many of them are about probems with your marriage. You may have been together for a long time, as you have said; but you are not "together" in the true married sense, and this latest post is just one more concern in a long, LONG line of problems you've cited. So its not just the photos that are the problem, its your entire marriage.
And what you want to do about that, well, that's up to you. I'd like to see you make some progress here, however you define it. Good luck,
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- T JLv 71 month ago
You have no rights to ask him to hide or get rid of them. It is his past. Who do you look at them if you do not like them? If I was him, it tell you in not so nice words what you could do with yourself.
- Anonymous1 month ago
You are REMAKABLY immature. You have posted "issue" after "issue" within your marriage, half of them involving his daughter. My husband has photos of his ex-WIFE, and I'm not concerned nor am I jealous. Yes, he has video of THEIR daughter being born. Would I ever think about asking him to dispose of any of his photographs? No. Again, you are remarkably insecure which leads me to ask if you became involved with him while I was married to someone else.
- Andrew SmithLv 71 month ago
Talk about "hung up". The current fetish over "children" didn't exist during the most puritanical days of our society. Girls wore short dresses to save on material until puberty. No one imagined that a young child was sexual. But YOU think that a baby is sexual? Your thoughts are the definition of pedophilia. Even the mum's genitalia. Disconnected from the person how could this be a threat. I was with my wife and there was nothing sexual about birth. It was traumatic for her and hence for me also. I certainly didn't like her suffering.
Finally what about his past? It happened. You should be sharing it with him. I share all my wife's past and my own. It is all a part of ME now. And I do mean EVERYTHING. To try to form a wedge between his own past and the present is to distance yourself from your husband rather than to draw you closer. That is not wise.
- seedy historyLv 71 month ago
After being together for 19 years and married for over a decade? It'd not bother me in the least. "Intimate parts" during delivery is call childbirth photos. I've never met a man who considered that porn for pleasure. I think you are making a big deal out of absolutely nothing except your husband's endearment of his daughter. If he frames those photos and put them on the walls? Take them down and slide them back in the box.
- missdeeLv 51 month ago
Yes I definitely would worry about any old photos
- Anonymous1 month ago
He has a right to keep them you don't have a right to ask him to throw them away because it's the birth of his child. Those are his memories and his photos and you don't have a right to ask him to throw them away even if they were naked photos of his exes and things like that. What matters is how he treats you and that he's loyal to you. I don't see a need to make a big scene over some old photos. Ex-girlfriends are part of the memories also you don't have a right to ask people throw away their memories unless it's a mutual agreement that both you do the same thing. But frankly I don't see the point you've been successfully married for 19 years...let it go!