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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

My husband sits there and threatens me and tries to control me.?

I married early and I never got to see all the warning signs. That's my fault I know. But I've been having real issues with him these past 2 years. We've been married for 3 years and we are both 26. We only dated for 8 months. Anyway, he's been trying to control my moves. When we go over to someone's house, he expect me to act a certain way or do certain things. He tells me what to do right in front of his family and when I reply back, he gets extremely angry. For example, we were at his brothers house and he had a paper that he wanted me to throw out. I left the paper on the couch on accident and his bro came in asking who's paper it is because he thought it was important. My husband looked at me and told me that he told me to throw it out and why I never threw it out. He got so serious right in front of his bro and we got into an argument over a paper when all he could've said is that he forgot it and that it's not important. He makes small situations look huge and I'm sick of him. He gives me looks whenever he thinks I'm doing something wrong and I try to stop even though I see nothing wrong with it. He tells me to never talk back to him in front of others. I've become his slave, he always tells me to go get him his stuff and when I say no, he gives me that look again and I get so sick of his demands. I get jealous when I see his bro and his bros wife, they act like a real couple. She speaks her mind and he speaks his. Her husband is the one that gets up and gets

Update:

The stuff she needs. Mine is just a lazy obese slob who sits there demanding me to get him things and tries to control my moves. He says that he wants me to change but I think I'm completely normal because I do nothing wrong. Everything about me annoys him and we always argue. Is this a good reason to get a divorce? Or am I overreacting this entire thing? And I did try talking to him, but he switches the scenario and makes it look like its my fault. Everything's my fault and I'm tired of it all.

Update 2:

He threatened to break my phone, rip my clothes, or turn off the wifi or even cancel it. I do have to admit that I'm on the internet a lot to get away from him. I'm not allowed to go out, get a job, or do anything without his permission. I've become depressed and very stressed out. I don't know what else to do and I don't have anyone to turn to because I have no family. 

8 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I'd approach him about marriage counseling by pointing out that as you married too young and without the requisite two years of dating generally understood to be essential to getting to know someone you've now got some work to do on learning to communicate effectively.  

  • mJc
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You are clearly in an abusive and dangerous relationship.  You need to find a Safe House and get out of the mess of a marriage.  

  • 2 months ago

    You don't mention children, so this should be an easier process.

    Contact your local abuse center and they will give you options.

    Sounds like you need to leave.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    LOL get a divorce.... wow. a divorcee at age 26. CRAZY!

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  • 2 months ago

    While you continue to do his bidding, he will keep demanding it. Do you ever tell him what to do? You argue; it takes two to argue. If he says, "throw away the paper" or whatever, ask him why he can't. And simply say you'll do it later, or whatever; end of. He is your partner, not your employer.

    You do need to have some serious discussions about what each of you think a marriage is. For most, it is an equal partnership. You might want to prepare your wishes, each of you: write them down; your plans for the coming months and years, your ideas of a happy marriage, etc. Then you can have a discussion; make a rule that each speaks uninterrupted on one topic for, say, up to three minutes. Then the other person chooses another topic. Stick to the topic and stick to the present and future - no arguing about grievances. You are adults, not teenagers. If you genuinely love each other, each of you will be prepared to make sacrifices and compromises. Learn to be accepting and respectful: there is no right and wrong!

    Please don't even think of having children until you have sorted this out. 

    You are right - you married before you had really learned about your adult selves, and you may even find that what you have learned about yourselves and each other is not really enough to build a family. You would probably benefit from some marriage counselling.

    Good Luck!

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Since you have no one to turn to, 

    then the only person you can rely 

    on is yourself. There are always 

    resources available to people in 

    your situation. Contact a woman's 

    help center or organization and 

    start planning your "escape". If 

    you stay, then you have no one 

    to blame but yourself. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    This is serious and I'm sorry you're caught up in it.

    While he's at work, pack the things that are most important to you. Include legal papers, jewelry, heirlooms, possessions that are just yours, and the necessary parts of your wardrobe.

    Online, open a private browser--it erases history so he cannot know what sites you visited--and find a helpline for battered women in your area. Yes, I know he doesn't hit you, but his control amounts to abuse and the people at that helpline can assist you in finding a place to go, possibly even helping you move out what's yours.

    You want to land someplace where he cannot find you. A women's shelter isn't luxurious, but it's safe. Block him on your phone and any other media. Get an attorney and file for divorce, even if you have no money to pay them at this time.

    Whether you tell distant friends where you are is up to you. If people don't know, he can't trick or bully them into telling how to find you. Do let them know you've left him and that you're all right.

    You can expect him to cancel your phone. Remind yourself that people manage without them. Your job now is to get on your feet. Get a job, any job. Figure out how you'll get there and back. Make a budget based on what you'll earn. Figure out where you can live on that income. Find extra gigs to add more income. Start paying your lawyer.

    You're still young and there's a lot of life ahead of you, a way better life where the only person who gets to control you is you.

  • Liz
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    I'm sorry for your troubles. It takes time to build a strong, happy family. Perhaps the suggestions in the article below will help.

    Source(s): wol.jw.org/ws15 1/15 Build a Strong and Happy Marriage
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