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Chris R asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

Am I Responsible for my Incapacitated Boyfriend Upon His Release from Hospital?

Two weeks ago I took my boyfriend to the hospital because he was acting strangely - slurred speech, not making sense, poor motor skills.  They admitted him and he has been there ever since.  His symptoms basically are from long term alcohol use.  I knew he drank, but didn't know quite how much apparently.  The doctors have run more tests and tried more things than I can count and have basically come to the conclusion that his confusion, hallucinations, etc.is something that may get better over time, but there is nothing more they can do so they are hinting they will send him home soon.  He may get better, but it will be a slow process over several months or more.

Before all this happened I was making plans to leave him because of his drinking and other reasons...probably related to it.  His mother lives an hour and half away and expresses no interest in caring for him. Honestly, she is disabled and would probably not be the best choice anyway.  There is no other family to take him.  In addition to just not wanting to care for someone in his condition, I also have a full time job which is very demanding.  He has no insurance, hasn't had a job in over a year and no savings.

It sounds heartless and I don't meant to be because I do still care for him and it's sad, but am I obligated to commit to his care?  We have no POA or any sort of arrangement like that.  I just feel like this is happening so fast and I don't have any choice.  Very stressful.

23 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    If you were the drunk   would you expect him to stand by you?

    Lots of people who live together say "I don't need marriage and a ring to prove my commitment."  Are you one of those?

    I hope things improve for you both.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    in this case it was A GOOD IDEA to live together without being married, if you were married you would have more responsibility.

  • 2 months ago

    No you are NOT responsible.  Nothing has changed.  Leave him.  Right now.   You only have one life.  He threw his away.  No one held a gun to his head and made him drink.   Somewhere there is a good man that is lonely.  He is looking for you.  Go find him and have a life of joy.

  • 2 months ago

    Nobody is responsible for ANYONE except themselves AFTER they hit age of majority.Your parents are responsible BEFORE THAT AGE.Trust me from experience (20 year marriage to an alcoholic female),IF YOU STAY,IT WILL BE HELL.AND...EVENTUALLY HE WILL HAVE EITHER LIVER FAILURE OR A HEART ATTACK.YOUR CHOICE Darlin'.GOOD LUCK!!

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  • 2 months ago

    Legally, no you are not responsible for him. If he is living with you he does have a right to return to your address, until you process eviction papers,  but this does not mean that you have any duty to care for him. To be sure, you can contact a lawyer.  

    Morally however, is another question.

    .We are to love our neighbors as we do ourselves. 

    Ask yourself, how would I want to be treated if I was in the hospital with no one to help me and had every thought that my "boyfriend" would have helped me?  

         So at the very least I would say to give the details to either help the hospital to place him in a nursing home or do it yourself.  Yes, the hospital should have applied for Medicare for him by now.    make it known he will not be coming with you since you are not married, then they will have to place him in a nursing home or somewhere medically appropriate for his level of functioning.  

        This is another reason why not being married to a person and just living as boyfriend and girlfriend is not a good idea.  It does not require the other person to do anything for you if something bad happens to you.  

         

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    The only thing that would require you to care for this person is basic human decency. Sounds like you might be coming up a little short in that department. Hopefully when you need help someday, you will know a better class of person than your currently are.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    If he were eligible for medicaid, i would hope the hospital would have been intelligent enough to start that process. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    He is an adult. He can take care of himself. If he chooses to drink and you do not want anything to do with that type of person, you are not bound to that person in any legal or moral way. His choice how he chooses to make his bed.

  • Andy C
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You are not married and therefore have no responsibility,  legally. 

    If you aren't serious,  you are morally responsible to tell him.  You are also morally responsible for telling him that you don't want to share his future with you. 

    Your bf suffered something very similar to a TIA, or mini stroke.   I hear that because so did I 9 years ago.   My recovery still isn't yet done.

    My wife somehow stuck by me and didn't divorce me and I am forever grateful,  but I would absolutely have understood if she had.

    It is selfish of you,  but we are human and part of life on earth and life is selfish.   It's not some act of abnormal selfishness; you are young and want a family,  which may not be possible with him. We had to do IVF.

    Staying means helping with dressing,  going to the bathroom, putting up with possible personality changes typically in the negative direction, always helping and never feeling like you are being helped,  the list goes on and on. 

    Do what you have to do in order to not only be happy but be a effective part of society. 

    With the complications of my case coupled with liver failure,  ANS &CNS failure and blindness,  my odds of recovering as far as I have are roughly 3:1,000,000,000.

    I tell you this because it illustrates that the odds for his recovery are likely very poor.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You are not legally responsible for him. Ask at the hospital if they have a social worker to help in the placement of patients in care facilities. We did this for my mother when she had dementia, and the social worker helped us find a very nice assisted living center. Your boyfriend may need to be in a rehab center. Unless he has considerable assets, it will have to be one that is paid for by public assistance- you are not responsible for paying for his care and neither is his mother if he is an adult. Don't feel guilty about this- he got himself into this condition. 

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