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Is what I am feeling, normal? ?

I separated from my partner 15 months ago and I have practically been on my own with my 4 kids for the whole time (he has seen them about once a month). Throughout this time, he has flipped between sending me abusive messages (slag, I want you dead etc) and begging to come back and promising to change. 

He has hurt me so much over the past couple of years and I just haven’t been able to let my guard down, through fear of being hurt again. His behaviour was always quite controlling and he has serious trust issues. I have managed absolutley fine on my own and though it’s been hard with the pandemic, and not being able to go into work, I have still managed. 

I have now found out that he had met someone and it had absolutely crushed me - I don’t know why because I could have brought him back whenever I wanted and still could. I just still can’t seem to let myself do it because I honestly think being hurt again would tip me over the edge and I have no guarantee that He has changed. I am not convinced that taking him back is the right option but the thought of him with someone else is really hurting. 

I just want to know whether feeling like this is normal, even if I don’t want him back. I’m questioning everything now. 

5 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ending a relationship that has major ties, such as children is traumatic. You're grieving the loss of a relationship with the children's father. It's a normal feeling. You understand that it isn't the best situation to be involved with him.

    I commend you for understanding the abuse and red flags.

    You're hurt that he has a new person in his life when he can't or doesn't want to be involved in your children's lives or yours.

    Like I stated, it's a normal response to grieve.You can do this. Your Mr. Right will come into your life before you know it. Just keep calm and carry on. He is your past now. The past is in the past for a reason. Learn from it and grow (more).

  • 2 months ago

    He sees the kids once a month for 15 months? Wild guess from a total stranger is that he has not changed and likely will not change either. He wants control over YOU... but he's not missing his kids. Control has nothing to do with establishing deep loving family ties. He's not trying to do that. 

  • get a restraining order on your ex partner and be done with it. 

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    He won't change. Also, it is quite likely this 

    "someone new" isn't new at all. Yes, feeling 

    like that is quite normal. You have every 

    reason in the world to have trust issues. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It is very normal what you are feeling currently. From your post it seems that you want to teach him a lesson so that he will change to be a gentleman. As you are not yet convinced yourself that whether he is changed or not , you are not ready to bring him back. This is perfectly normal from your side. During this hard time you are facing currently, he may play tricks to be with you again. if he is doing in positive manner, then its happy time for you, ... or..  wait for some more time.   

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