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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

My boyfriend hates that I wasn't a virgin when we met. What should I do?

I am 24 and I met my bf 5 months ago. The subject of past history came up and he told me he had only 2 girlfriends before and had only been intimate with those two. I told him I have had 5 partners in the past and he got really upset that I would have slept with other people. I tried to say that he has been with other people also, but he said only 1 of mine was a bf, the rest were casual and he is struggling to respect me for that. I really love him but don't know what i should do now. any advice?

123 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    Dump him, he's being a jerk.

    The past is the past and it's not his place to shame you for choices you made.

    He is not your judge and jury, you would be better off alone.

  • 2 months ago

    I’m going to be candid with you. I 

    know you love him and you want the relationship to work, maybe you’ve invested a lot of time in the relationship but I think you should let it go. He sounds like a total douche. Honestly you shouldn’t feel anyway about your sexual partners or your experience and just because you guys have different experiences he should never judge you based on that or make you feel less worthy of being loved. I’m sure you wouldn’t do that to him either. 

    Like what if you were to say “Oh you only slept with two people? You must suck in bed.” What an ***.I would cut this relationship off if I were you. Because if he can’t respect you now he never will. He will always make you feel unworthy of love because he’s insecure about himself. He seems to have the mindset of a child, rather than a man. Leave while you still can

    For future reference I would never have the “how many people have you slept with convo?” I feel like there’s never any good conversation and a lot of people or either going to be overwhelmed or underwhelmed. A few people might be neutral. 

    Honestly I feel like as long as the person is healthy, has no STDs or random hundreds of  people coming up to us when we’re in public giving body language vibes that says they've had sex, I don’t care lol. 

    But Tomato, tomato.

    Who knows maybe he’ll come around but if he doesn’t. This isn’t the 1800s he’s a misogynistic prick and you’ll find someone who’ll love you for all of you. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe he’s just not the guy for you.

    Good luck!

  • 2 months ago

    build a time machine 

  • 2 months ago

    If he doesn't like the sex the heck with him.

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  • 2 months ago

    This is a pretty stupid thing to be upset about and I suggest you think hard about if you want this kind of unreasonableness to be part of your life going forward.  In my experience this sort of ... upsettness ... about the activities that took place before you even met this guy is a sign of likely abusive behavior.

    Mark my words on this and think about this - is he jealous?  Does he keep track of where you are?  Does he question you about your activities or for dressing too provacatively?  Does he try to keep you from spending time with your friends?

    If the answer to any of the above is "yes" I suggest you look up information on line about the 'cycle of abuse' in relationships.

    Another part of me wants to say that next time the subject of sexual history comes up with a guy, make him go first, then make sure that whatever you say about your own history makes his look like he's a wild man.  Men tend to be pretty hung up on women having sex with other men while women tend to be more hung up on men having emotional relationships with other women.  This is likely part of out biology as men are far less certain about parental status than women. 

  • 2 months ago

    Advice? Dump him, yesterday. Find someone who doesn't care about that

  • 2 months ago

    you're bf sucks. He had a life before he met you. You had a life before you met him. He's upset that you slept with 5 people and you're in relationship with him. 

    Ask yourself do you want to be with a relationship with a guy that says nonsense like that.  

    Ask yourself is this the guy I am going to be with?

    Is he going to cheat b/c i had more partners than him. 

    If you really want to save this relationship. talk to him. Tell him your in a relationship with him and he's in a relationship with you and all that matters in the relationship is the two of you. If he's not happy about the past partners then it's time to change paths. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Yes, tell him that is his problem and to deal with it.  He is being a class A jerk. 

    There is absolutely no reason why you should be made to feel guilty or have to justify yourself to him. 

    Tell him your past is your past and there is no reason why he should not respect you. 

  • 2 months ago

    You sound like a reasonable person, your BF does not.   No one can change the past and if this is something he cannot let go of, you may need to let go of him, even if its hard. He is acting like a child.

    At 56 I found myself dating a divorced 51 year old gal with two adult children, by two separate fathers, both of whom were married to her. I knew some of her back story of enduring abuse from her second husband so her multiple divorces didn't bother me at all. 

    She asked me that same question which I thought was strange at our age, but I told her, at "our age and the times we lived through neither one of us have had only 3 or 4 partners. As long as we are only with each other while we are together then it doesn't matter." 

    She liked that answer, it freed both of us from having to share things we might might want to leave in our past.

  • 2 months ago

    Tell him, "It shouldn't matter to you whom I have been with; it should only matter to you that I only want to be with you now".  If he doesn't say "you are right, I am lucky to have you", then you know what you need to do. 

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