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How can I become more self-sufficient?

I'm a 20 year old woman. Since I was 18, I moved out and started getting various jobs. I study acting, I paint and draw, I speak English, Greek, French and a little Italian besides my native language and I'm soon going to publish my novel. I'm also a good runner and swimmer and I used to take part in the local marathon bike races of our town. I have two MOOCs (one from Harvard extension school in the subject of Shakespeare with a mark of 97% and the other one from Leeds university in the field of physical theatre with a mark of 100%). Anyways, around the age of 10 to 15, I was bullied and harassed by my classmates for various reasons. I had no friends in those years, but I gradually grew out of it and started studying hard. My parents always told me that I'm useless, even though I always tried hard to learn. They still sometimes think I'm a nobody. They simply don't care about my abilities. Anyways, whenever I make friends, they leave me or they prefer me to other people. I seem to be too boring, because I hate shopping unlike other women and I prefer classic music to pop music. I sometimes pretend that I'm interested in whatever my friends say about celebrities or fashion models, because I'm afraid of losing them. Sometimes I think people ignore or humiliate me. I feel invisible, though my acting coach always admires me for my hard work. People say I'm beautiful, but I don't believe what they say. I suffer from anorexia.

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I see so much of myself in you. You probably think you are an over-achiever because you are intelligent and talented but that's only part of it. You are an over-achiever because you are desperately seeking the family approval you never received; you are desperately trying to prove them and all of your bullies wrong. 

    You ARE somebody. And you would be somebody even if you didn't speak four (five?) languages, even if you didn't publish a novel, and even if you didn't have academic accomplishments. You ARE somebody, whether you are "beautiful" or not. People who are not "beautiful" are still worthy of love and friendship. 

    I wish I had gone to therapy at your age. I didn't go until I was 30 and I spent a lot of time learning how to develop real friendships, because I would do what you do - pretend to be interested in things that didn't interest me, and eventually the friendships would fall apart and/or I would be lonely because I was never really seen. 

    My therapist once said, "You can't get water from a dry well." You won't get love and validation from a dysfunctional family. You won't get love and validation from people who don't see or appreciate the real you. Don't waste your time trying. Focus on the people whose opinion matters - like your acting coach. 

    Try to seek friends who are interested in the same things that interest you. That might be difficult during covid right now, but in future, attend music recitals, participate in theater productions, join a volunteer group that helps a cause you care about, etc. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Try shutting up a lot more.

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