Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

My boyfriend is trying to guilt trip me ?

My boyfriend makes jokes about other girls and compliments celebrities all the time. I am okay with it and oftentimes I take it as a joke because it is. But he takes it too far sometimes by asking the same question repeatedly even after I’ve answered and given him a reaction. Well, that happened and eventually I got irritated so I told him that he should tone down the jokes because when he repeats it so many times I think he means it. He then decided to turn it around by same I did the same thing in the past and I’ve done way worse. (I had a lot of male friends and was super friendly. I often also made jokes about celebrities but stopped when he wasn’t happy about it) I told him that it was long ago and I have stopped but he still continued to justify that I shouldn’t be affected because compared to what I did, his is nothing. I don’t get why we can’t just both be adults and fix our issues without dragging in other problems. (Prior to the argument we solved the issue) Everything to him is a competition about who was hurt the most and why they deserve to be treated a certain way. For me, I just want to fix the issue and move on. I’ve never brought up his past issues whenever he makes recent mistakes but on his end it seems like his only defense for his actions. In this relationship, only he can get mad and address issues. But I can’t because I deserve it. 

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds pretty manipulative... when people turn the blame on you always it’s not usually a good thing. I’m with you on the being adults and just talking it out. Relationships are not meant to be for playing the victim card or throwing out who did worse to who. Nothing should ever be a competition and you should BOTH be able to express your emotions. At some point I feel that becomes emotional abuse and it is not okay. Try to talk to him about it and if he still acts the same. Weigh your pros and cons and you should probably leave and do better for yourself. Hope all goes well for you !💕

  • 1 month ago

    If your new BF can't let the past be past and start over as a couple, then lose him. Nothing should count before the two of you got together, and neither of you should dredge up the past. The most disturbing part of your question is his trying to be better than you are because of past actions not involving him.

    You two need to settle on rules for your relationship, and the objective future of it. Let go of the past, and decide what you want the future to be - marriage, deep lasting but not necessarily sexual friendship or a hot fling that is just one of those things. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate a relationship that counts pity points as a currency. Who has been hurt worse in the past has nothing to do with your relationship. Maybe you are too mature for him.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I think your boyfriend's excuses are just a way of justifying his actions simply because he has no other excuse. Remember, when a guy is desperate to justify hurtful behaviour he will often resort to the flimsiest excuses. In saying that, I think the secret to resolving this little concept is to make a compromise. Even though you have not made jokes about in celebrities in a long time, see if you can reach an agreement with him where you both do not make manipulative comments. That approach will force him to change his attitude or he risks breaking you deal and being in the wrong.

    Source(s): Do you think your boyfriend is still insecure/hurt from the jokes you made a while ago? If you'd like I'd be happy to help you some more? Would it be ok if I emailed you? If its easier, feel free to msg me at rebeccawilliams782@gmail.com :)
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