Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

Please help!?

I'm 22 have really bad anxiety and i don't know what to do about a situation with a friend age 24. Below are 3 texts i sent her with the dates in brackets

1) You free this sunday? If you're not don't worry about it, but i had a idea we could do if you are? (18 september)

2) Sorry for such short notice yesterday night and sorry to bug (19 september)

3) Which day would you prefer to meet up again? (20 september)

She never replied to any, and everything changed after this. Neither of us like texting but I don't know why she didn't say anything after these texts, like "did you forget yourself haha" (i did cos it's been a while) or something. I decided to leave her alone for a bit but then my grandma died. All I wanted to do was talk to my friend! But I wasn't thinking straight and couldn't stop texting her even though she wasn't replying. 15 unanswered texts in total, I asked her is she still ok with me and last time i text she turned her phone off briefly

I haven't text her since the 1 november. At the time I honestly thought she wasn't replying cos she could tell something was wrong. But it's not like that at all. Last time she spoke to me was the 13 september and then she ghosted me and then was not there for me when I needed her most. Is this really worth never speaking to me again? What can i do to get my friendship back? She never makes the first move so it'll have to be me

Update:

Anonymous number 4: I didn't do anything wrong at all before those 3 texts i sent. We had arranged to meet up and i asked if she was free that weekend? She decided to ignore me til 4 o clock in the morning and never reply, how was i supposed to know?

12 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Prioritizing this relationship instead of prioritizing your mental health is like worrying about car's upholstery when the chassis is bent. None of your relationships will endure if you don't get this "bad anxiety" under control through treatment. The world isn't going to change for you so you're going to have to change so the world can stand to be around you. People with untreated anxiety disorders are exhausting and it's unlikely she'll be interested in knowing you until you can truthfully tell her that your behavior will be different going forward. 

  • 1 month ago

    Honest truth, doesn’t seem like much of a friend. You’re too reliant which is super unattractive to some people. I would recommend you do something else, I think you spamming her phone only made it seem like her responsibility to be there for you and that it seemed like her responsibility to cater to you. I would say leave it alone. I think you freaked her out enough 

  • 1 month ago

    Are you sure she was ever your friend,  Stop obsessing over her not texting you, Move on and forget her.  If you do ever see or run into her accidentally.  just say hi and keep moving.  Don't let her think that she has upset you.   I believe if a person has upset one or hurt their feelings, they should let them know about it so they can talk and resolve the problem.  Then they can move on in their friendship or let it go.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Do you know where she lives? Go and SUPRISE her! she mignt not be feeling well

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Are you sure you don't have feelings for her? Your texts sounded like you were trying to arrange a date with her! I think that's why she distanced herself, nothing to do with texting 3 days straight, just she thinks you have feelings for her that she knows she doesn't reciprocate (either cos she's straight or just doesn't fancy you) but I think you do! It's **** that she ghosted you after this and wasn't there for you when your grandma died, but I honestly think it's because she suspects you have a crush on her. The more texts you've sent, the more she thinks it. You can't keep being friends with her when you want more. She knows this, and that's why she has disappeared. I think the reason she didn't reply before your grandma died, was because she probably thought if she asked "are you in love with me?" etc. you would say yes! Then what happens after that? The friendship has to end because you want more than she can give. She didn't want to hurt you by telling you she doesn't like you like that. It would be really cruel to stay friends with someone you know loves you. Be honest with yourself, if you love her you need to stop these feelings before you even try to rekindle your friendship. And btw, texting too much is not worth ending a friendship even if she hates texting, it's your crush that has killed it. Get over her, then try again.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I don't know if I'm right about this, but i feel like she thinks you have a crush on her that you are unable to control. You know those 3 texts you typed up? There's nothing wrong with them at all, but it comes across like you were trying to arrange a date or something! Especially when you said "you had an idea you could do?" She might have been thinking you wanted to sleep with her! And I think that's why she didn't reply. I don't blame you one bit for all the texts you sent after your grandma died, no one knows how they will react to grief, but I do think that's why you've not heard from her in a while. The more texts you've sent, the more she thinks you like her more than a friend. 15 is full blown love. If you do love her, I really recommend fighting your feelings for her before you take steps to rebuild your friendship. You can't be friends with someone you love all it will do is hurt you. I think she can sense your feelings for her are deeper than just friendship. If I'm wrong I'm sorry, but it really sounds like you are in love with her to me and didn't know how to deal with it. And you're still really hung up on her so it just seems really likely! If you can assure her you're not, then she will probably come around in time.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You're omitting what happened BEFORE those texts. You obviously did or said something that offended her. Your anxiety is no excuse for rudeness. Texting someone 15 TIMES when they're not responding goes way beyond rudeness-- it borders on stalking. And you're still obsessing over this after 4 months?? You burned that bridge with a blow torch. She's done with you for good.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Are you sure this is not a misunderstanding? If she never makes the first move, then obviously she won't be texting back anytime soon. The best thing you can do is send someone to her house with a note! Let her know what you have been going through, how you just wanted to talk, how upset you felt that she wasn't answering you, and how you wish you could communicate again. There's no need to apologise, your circumstances were totally understandable. If she still doesn't budge, she's not worth it. What normal person holds a grudge over too many texts? All she had to do was say "are you ok?" 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You haven't even done anything wrong. I'm really sorry about your grandma! Your friend sounds like a weirdo to me! I understand anxiety can make you think differently, and I think that's what's happened here. No this is not worth never speaking to you again but i do think it is worth a break. I think she just wants a break, but you are reading into it too much. I would suggest waiting until after lockdown and write her a short note explaining things. Make sure you apologise too! Then give her a bit more space, and try to give her a ring. Good luck to you! :) 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    She might be involved with someone else.

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