Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

is it possible ? please please help and share your ideas, I need it desperately. ?

I found a message in my boyfriend's phone, it was from a girl who wrote my boyfriend that what happened between them was nice and for her an open relationship is a priority but now she is in love with someone else and wants to try it. I asked for an explanation to my bf and he said that they had an open relationship while we were separated ( we broke up twice before) and that's it, she out of blue wrote that message. but thing is the message was written 4 months after we went back together. Is it possible that girl would write back after 4 months out of nowhere ? it was certainly an answer on the question whether she wanted to be in an open relationship with him or not. I know probably I am blind and it is almost impossible to believe him but he seemed so honest and angry, he told me that simply I must trust him. Strange and unpredicted things happen and that's how I tend to see this story. 

P.S the reason of our two break up before was that my bf realized that he couldn't be in a relationship with anyone ever again and that he was polyamorous.Please write your opinions. 


I didn't want to be in an open relationship and he knew that. when we broke up he wanted us to be friends. but I also refused it since I am in love with him and it seemed impossible for me but I respected his decision but I also made me choice to stop any communication with him for healing. But then he was coming back to me again even though he knew what I wanted in a relationship.

Update 2:

so my question is basically did he cheat on me ?

7 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    A lot of things are possible but not probable.  The bottom line is that your boyfriend still isn't ready to be in a sexually faithful relationship -- something you already know.  He may love you and want to be with you, but he also wants to be able to have sex with other people as the whim hits him.  If that isn't something you want, it is time to accept this and move on.  

    If you feel the need to snoop in your bf's private messages, you don't trust him.  That's a huge red flag.  Don't get or stay in relationships where you feel you have to monitor the other person's behavior or find out what they are doing or talking to. 

    As an aside, you may want to get tested for STIs.  He may well have had sex with several other people who, in turn, have also had lots of sexual partners.  

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Trust is earned by behavior, not blindly given because the other person demands it, regardless of what they may have done to violate that trust. You have already determined that he the "polyamorous type", so if this is  something that you are not willing to tolerate....further: you say he wants an open relationship, for you to just be friends,both of which are not your speed. 

    While I wasn't there to verify whether he "cheated" on you or not, he clearly isn't up for a monogamous relationship with you, or even one that is as romantic as you desire.

    I couldn't agree more with your Favorite Answer. Enough said.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Stay out of his phone, it is illegal for you to do so. Its his problem,and he will work it out. You do not like it, break up.

  • joedlh
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    So he says that you must trust him because "strange and unpredicted things happen." This comes across as gaslighting.

    As you describe it, he wants to be free to sleep around. That's his prerogative. But if it's something you can't abide, then you have a decision to make.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    In my opinion he's lying to you.It doesn't make sense that she would write him after 4 months.I think he keeps her as a spare so to speak.He obviously knows he shouldn't be talking to her but doesn't want to tell her it's over. She seems slutty.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I think you're a bit confused by what an "open relationship" is.  It refers to two people who are together -- married or living together, in a permanent partnership -- but they agree that they are free to sleep with other people.

    So, if he were in an "open relationship" with anyone, it would be with you, but he'd also be sleeping with other women when he met any to whom he was attracted.

    I'm not sure what's going on here.  It sounds as though the girl is telling him that she does not want to see him again because she's met someone else with whom she's in love and with whom she sees a future.  WHY she told him that is the question.  It could have been a reply to a message he sent her, asking whether she'd like to get together again.

    I think that's the most likely explanation, frankly.  This guy has told you that he's polyamorous, that he doesn't want to be faithful to one person, and you should take him seriously.

    He wants an open relationship with you, one in which you don't mind if he sleeps around. If you don't want that, end the relationship now.

    If you sleep with him again, make him use condoms, and get yourself tested for STDs.

  • Petter
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    He is cheating on you again, it's über obvious. This is not an answer you would expect out of the blue four months afterwards. It most likely happend yesterday or just a couple of days ago.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.