Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Help, I’m pregnant and am not happy with my baby’s father. I feel awful, any advice?

We’ve known each other since we were 11. We’re 22 now and have been dating for 4 years. We’ve fought, sometimes small, sometimes huge. He’s cheated and continued to micro- cheat (look it up) after but we have build up trust again.

    But now we’re fighting a lot and he’s calling me names, telling me to shut the F up, refusing to listen to my points after I heard his. He keeps telling me he can just leave me and we don’t have to be together he just has to look after the baby. 

   We didn’t end up pregnant on purpose, the condom must’ve broke or gone down a bit, I don’t know for sure. I keep telling him we have to be better and work this out because we have child on the way he either tells me to shut up or just ignores me. I’ve cried myself to sleep right next to him multiple times and he didn’t even care. 

   I trusted with my whole heart that regardless of anything he’d be a good dad and we’d be good parents but he doesn’t care. I know babies don’t change a person but I thought that with a baby we’d figure it out and get it right because we have someone who is going to rely on us. 

   Now I’m crying because babies don’t pick their mom or dad we do. I ultimately pick who their dad is and Im scared that I gave my baby a lying, cheating, abusive, deceitful, untrustworthy and emotionally unavailable dad. I know the boy who once made me feel special and was always caring towards me is in there somewhere. I’m tired and unhappy but I want my baby to have complete family.

Update:

Btw guys, I have never cheated, I get upset myself but don’t call him names or tell him to shut the F up. Just to make it’s clear when he is good everything is great. He’s an amazing person and can show love. People have came to me and told me they can tell he is a good person and they are right. He’s going to the marines to be able to provide more and I am grateful and proud but I’m not sure how or if we will last. 

8 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Stop living with him immediately. You need an environment that is healthy and relatively happy and same in order to grow your baby and yourself. He'll be the Dad no matter what happens but YOU have needs too and he is unable to fulfill them. Get out now. Later on, things will sort themselves out. He might surprise himself! But right now, you need someplace with a sunny window to sit and sing in. Not crying yourself to sleep next to a guy who wants to pretend you're broken. You're not broken. You're pregnant. Find another environment to grow your baby in. NOW. The "complete family" comes LATER. Right now, you need to be somewhere else. Cart before the horse. For now, during the rest of your pregnancy, you need to be someplace else where you can sit and sing and listen to good music and read good books. Your baby's brain, not just body, is growing too. What's going on now isn't good for any of you.  Let Dad be his own selfish childish very young disgruntled man all by himself for awhile. Take yourself elsewhere. 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Well, it does sound like you're track to give this baby a father who's all those things you describe. This guy of course can leave you but if you were to (unwisely) choose to keep this baby he'd at least have to pay child support. The better option for the child of course would be for you to give it up for adoption by a stable person or family. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you shouldnt be with him then

  • Carmen
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Hello concerned one soon to be mom take some deep breaths pray for a calm heart and your peace of mind so you can concentrate on taking care of you and your unborn child. As you mentioned you can’t control anyone else actions or lack of actions only your own. True Happiness doesn’t come from creating a child in a already unstable relationship it comes from loving yourself first and if the father of your child can’t love and respect you now as the mother of his child regardless of anything else then you can’t fix that. He either has to mature more on his own or when he has to care for his child physically emotionally mentally financially whether you to are together or not. As you mentioned you are both still young and growing into hopefully responsible adults and parents eventually. Let your positive actions be seen and hopefully in time it might rub off on him. If not you still have a child to worry about he can either take care of it freedom or by force by law. As mentioned there is no guarantees in any relationship you keep being your best as pray he does the same. Remind him in a calm respectful way he has a mother and if someone mistreats her how would he feel because his child has a mother and will see how he is treating her. Find your joy in life with or without him. 

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  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    He is mad about the baby and taking out on you. If he will change when the baby comes, who knows. You will have a good family, or you will be a single mom.  Too bad you did not get the abortion.

  • 1 month ago

    Hey girlie, please leave this guy. I know this really hard to hear (now that you're pregnant), but no man should shame you or even put you down. Even naming calling you with hurtful comments. You deserve so much more, treated with respect and kindness. A worthy man will never put you down or cheat on you because you are QUEEN my dear. This guy won't change, only God can change him and that's only him and God to decide. Sometimes a guy will put a façade to the public as a good person but a monster in private. 

    I think what you're going through is... emotional abuse and it's a toxic one. I've attached the article in detail. The honeymoon stage is all the sweet words. Then goes into moodiness, followed by hurtful words, then by apology. Starting the whole cycle again. This is not a healthy relationship my dear. 

    If you need more guidance, Pastor RC Blakes (via Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvMm-PHM0MA

    Youtube thumbnail

    &t=1723s) provides truth about men and how women should be encouraged. Even talking to a therapist can help via betterhelp.com (really affordable to help you). Plus a man who shames you is a broken man. Please stay safe. Peace and blessing to you <3 

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  • Ron
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    I believe the answer to your problem rhymes with the word "babmortion"

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    My gosh, can this guy be any worse???  If you have any hopes that he is going to miraculously change when your baby arrives, he won't.  Of course he doesn't care.  How many times has he told you to shut up?  And you're still with him??  He not only has a temper, he is abusive, untrustworthy, and immature, not to mention other things.  He's cheated because that's what young men do.  No guarantee he won't cheat again after the baby and chances are high that he would.  If you want a complete family, tell him goodbye, then wait. He may be the biological father, but that doesn't mean he has to stay in your life. He doesn't care about you.  You're young.  The right guy will come along, and he should make you feel special and loved.

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