Is this wedding invitation just a gift grab or kissing up?

Question

In my job (lawyer), I try to help people by giving them guidance and introducing people in my network to them.  One person who helps me and who I’ve helped (at least I hope) runs a small business. I’ve never charged him a cent and would never charge him a cent.  I’ve only met him in person a few times, but I like him.

He sent me a wedding invitation, for him and his terrific bride.  I know her professionally and like her.

However, we’re just “work friends” and I have never done anything socially with him, although I would.  Plus the wedding is halfway across the country, and is this spring, before I would have gotten a vaccine for COVID-19.

This is really nice of him- but I’m not sure why I was invited. How do I make it clear that I appreciate the invitation and really like him and his bride but cannot go: send a nice and generous gift and a grateful handwritten note of appreciation?

Or is this just a gift grab or something?

Thanks.

Answer 1

Favorite Answer

As you should know an invitation is a notice to notify you that you're welcome to attend, if you choose.  It's not a summons to appear.

It's not unusual to invite business associates to a wedding.  My husband is a Physician and we get wedding invites left and right because he has a really good personality and is everyone's BFF.  Many we send regrets, some we attend.  Either way we send a card and some a gift depending on who it is.  It's not uncommon for him to actually get wedding invites from his patients that are sent to his office and he sends a card to them but we don't attend any of them.  

Answer 2

He obviously included some of his professional associates.  I wouldn't overthink it if I were you just send a card congratulating them saying sorry you can't make it and include a gift card if you feel like you have to send a gift.

Answer 3

The wedding invitation is from a party known to you .It is customary  to send such invitations .Under the present circumstances with covid spreading every where it is not advisable to undertake long distance travel . Your idea of sending him a nice and generous gift and a grateful hand written note of appreciation is the best . If you feel there is a hidden meaning behind he invitation just ignore it .You have always offered him a free service .

Answer 4

you still have a great excuse, PANDEMIC.

he probably is just selfish and wants to fill out a lot of space to make him seem more popular. 

Answer 5

Only those people know why they invited you.  MANY people invite work colleagues to their weddings. If you don't feel comfortable attending, you don't need to attend. A wedding invitation isn't a legal summons. If you don't want to go, send your regrets. If you want to go, RSVP and go. This isn't complicated. 

A gift is NOT required. Whether or not you attend, you are free to give a gift or not as you please.

Answer 6

It's never wrong to send a gift, but under similar circumstances, I rarely do.  My husband is a physician and we get somewhat surprising invites fairly frequently.  I send a congratulatory card and also, if the invite has an rsvp card, I make sure to return that. 

Answer 7

Perhaps it's just reaching out to someone he may consider a friend, as you've both worked together without money changing hands.

Irrelevant of why - you don't have to attend, and you don't have to buy a gift. You can decline, and send a nice card/note. If you also want to send a gift, that's also lovely.

Answer 8

You send the RSVP back with no.

You send a nice wedding card, write congratulations on it and sign your name. 

Not that hard.

Answer 9

You're a lawyer and you're asking our advice on how to word a reply?

I'm a lawyer too, and work it out yourself lol.

Answer 10

I dont think its a grab. I consider it an honor