Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

how do I get husband to stop exaggerating and lying?

my husband exaggerates everything, from money, to business success, how large our business is, how "great" he is at work, to how he put someone "in their place", to his military service, to how good or bad past situations were.  He lied about every aspect of his life for the first 6 months we were together.  I would call him out on it when I figured it out, and he would promise me there were no other lies to uncover, only for me to find more lies. It all came to an ugly head and I though he was done with the lies. 

I thought we had a real reckoning but soon he continued to exaggerate every aspect of who he is to other people, to the point where any semi-intelligent person would realize he's full of sh--.  It's embarrassing!   (Ironic thing is that he really is exceptionally good at many things.)  He says everyone exaggerates.  Not true - I don't.  In fact, very few people I know do.  I put up with it for the past few years as he continued to lie his way through conversations with others.  But he's starting to exaggerate and tell out and out contradicting stories (lies) to me again.  I am so sick of it. 

Is it worth it to try to have a reckoning with him again, or is he basically a compulsive lier? Is this a personality flaw that I'm going to have to live with or walk away? By the way, we are 3 years into this relationship, in our 50s, with grown children from past marriages. 

Update:

just fyi - I was very naive going into this relationship, after not dating for a long time.  I married him thinking that the lies were over and that he trusted me enough to be honest. (fooling myself - I know)   Obviously, I moved too fast.  I know I encouraged the exaggerating and lying by not voicing my concerns immediately and am trying to back peddle now.  Just wondering how other people in my situation dealt with this and advice on how to resolve it :(

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I wouldn’t want to be married to a man like that. Everyone exaggerates OCCASIONALLY. That means embellishing a story to make it more interesting. That doesn’t mean telling outright lies. He sounds like he has some issues. He may be telling lies because he doesn’t want people to think he’s boring. It likely comes from a place of fear. He may tell you to go to hell, but I think you should suggest he see a therapist. Marriage counseling may be a good idea too. 

    Before you send him to therapy, try talking to him and explain how it makes you feel. Explain why you’re so embarrassed at his behavior. Tell him that you feel like you don’t even know who he is or anything about him because he tells so many lies that you don’t know what the truth is. People like that often start to believe their own lies. This is where the therapy comes in. It might help him address the issues that make him feel like he has to tell lies to make himself seem more important.

    You can also force him to see it your way. Next time he introduces you to someone he’s trying to impress, you can start telling your own crazy stories. Tell his friends and coworkers that you were Miss America, and you became a doctor, and won awards for being the best in your field, and that you’ve traveled the world, and that you made millions. Choose whatever story you want to tell. But he will likely get embarrassed when you tell obviously lies to his friends. It might make him see how his actions are hurting you. 

    I think you both need to see a marriage counselor, and your husband needs private therapy. I’m not sure why you married him in the first place since he’s been lying to you from day one. Small exaggerations to impress you in the beginning can be forgiven, but I don’t know how you could marry someone who constantly lies to make himself seem better. You married the guy he was pretending to be instead of the man he is. This is likely something he’s been doing all his life, and it’s deeply ingrained in his personality. If he won’t make a serious effort to change (professional help), you might wanna walk away. He embarrasses you, he lies to you, and he doesn’t respect you enough to tell the truth. Behavior like that comes from low self esteem and insecurity. He doesn’t love himself, so he tries to make everyone think he’s a totally different person than he is. People always say that until you love yourself, nobody else can really love you either. That’s not just for women, it applies to men too. 

  • 1 month ago

    You don't GET your husband to do anything.  That is a sign of seeking control.  Seeking control over your partner is the biggest single contribution to divorces.  You knew what he was when you married him then expected that magically he would be different?  Unbelievable.

  • 1 month ago

    Trust is basic to a marriage and you cannot trust a compulsive liar.  Unless he recognizes this to be a problem, as well, and seeks therapy to resolve his compulsive lying, you haven't got any other alternatives , other than to live with it, or end the marriage. Good luck.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You will not be able to. He has 

    had a LIFETIME of being this 

    way -- odd that you waited until 

    after marriage to worry about it. 

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  • Matt
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    why did you marry him if he did that even before you did?

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