Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Does he just see me as a fling?

We met on tinder and we recognized each other as we'd met on the first day of uni 4 years ago and used to say hi to each other around campus. We met up three times, so far. We talk for hours about everything and anything. He's very gentlemanly, offering me his jacket and trying to warm my hands when we're out. He remembers every little detail of our previous conversations. He asked if it was okay before he stayed over, before he kissed me and before we've had sex. He had lit up candles when I came over to his place. He's been quite tender, cuddling me, kissing me, on the lips, on my hands, my cheeks, my nose, calling me cute. Last time I asked him if he was seeing anyone else, he told me "why would I?" and that he hadn't been with anyone for months. He always talks about what we should do for next time. He had told me before that he was looking for someone to spend nice time with during quarantine, so does that mean he's not looking for a relationship but sth temporary? Are guys capable of acting this way without liking the person? Or are they able to like a person without wanting to be in a relationship with them? I know it might be too early to tell and I know that guys are very good at compartmentalizing :D but I wanted to hear your opinions, thanks ^^

1 Answer

  • Mike A
    Lv 6
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I can tell you that some people are actually like this. That they can compartmentalize, keep things on a certain track, and actually have a good time without getting attached. Just the same, there are people who cannot do things like this and be fake about it. But fortunately, there is a way to tell the difference. 

    The way to spot a real person, versus a fake one, is how much flattery they use, versus their level of sincerity. Does he do a lot of things to stoke up feelings, or does he challenge you intellectually and get you thinking? Does he have an almost cinematic perfection to the timing and execution of everything he does or is he fumbly and awkward sometimes? If everything feels completely perfect, like magic is happening, you've been made to feel like you've now hit the big time, or is he just happy to be imperfectly perfect for you?

    It might be tempting to quietly worry, but keep quiet for fear of upsetting things. But at the same time, if this guy is just keeping you around as a bedwarmer, and his interest is just killing time till the pandemic is over, wouldn't you rather know now, rather than getting attached and suddenly finding him too busy for you once the world reopens? Even if you do find out this is the case, you could at least make an informed decision, try to temper your expectations and just enjoy the fun while it lasts. 

    And that's the best advice I can give

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