Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 1 month ago

Is adoption worth it?

I found out three weeks ago that I can't have children of my own. Needless to say I am absolutely devasted. I've always dreamed of being a mother, and now I feel like I have nothing to live for. I've thought about adoption but I've read that adopted kids don't share the same bond that they do with their birth mother. Does anyone know if that is true? I'm just so lost...

Update:

I'm sad that I'll never know what it's like to have a child that I know is mine growing inside of me. I don't wamt to sound rude. I just dont know what to think right now. I cant believe that this happened to me and i am heartbroken 

6 Answers

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  • 2 weeks ago

    This must be a huge blow. Please give yourself time to grieve before you start thinking about adoption.

    I have a couple of friends who've adopted. Both said they sometimes forgot that their sons were adopted because they were just so busy with the day-to-day mothering. So I guess bonding doesn't have to be a problem.

  • R.j.
    Lv 5
    2 weeks ago

    It would be good for you and most of all for the child

  • 28AKO
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    Adoption is a great option. But it can cost lots of money if u do private adoption instead of going through dfcs in your local county office. But once you adopt you're responsible for health insurance and child care fees that comes along with kid or kids. Classes to long you have to take called IMPACT and not all authorities pay for your medical exam and background check. Not worth money to me

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Right now I think you need to take the time to process this news and come to terms with it.  It can take a while so let it take the time it needs to.  You can't rush these things.  As to bonding, a late dear friend of mine had two children and adopted two children.  She used to get very upset when people sometimes had the temerity to ask her if she didn't really love her "real" children more.  She used to say that there was no way to quantify the love in her heart which was infinite and she'd die for anyone of them.  In fact, we were all very worried when her daughter died of a brain tumour.  She was no less broken because this was her adopted daughter, and if it hadn't been for needing to comfort her adopted daughter's adopted son I'm not sure that she would have kept going just then.  She was the most motherly mother a child could have and she poured everything into all her children.

    On the other hand you need to be realistic when it comes to modern adoption.  At least where I live in the UK surrendering children for adoption is highly discouraged by social services which means that not only is the vetting process long and gruelling (which it should be), but the children who are put up for adoption will have been repeatedly removed from unfit parents and put in foster care and so bounced back and forth, really messing them up.  In fact, a good friend of mine, who is a retired social worker, who's seen the damage first hand talked me out of adopting around the same time two friends' adoptions fell apart due to reactive attachment disorder which is a very dry term to disguise absolute hell for everybody involved, not least the children.  These were not people who give up easily or are easily spooked.  That really only left the option of going abroad and the ethical consideration of taking a baby from someone who could have been coerced to give it up or even worse, coerced into getting pregnant in order to produce a baby to put up for adoption which is a form of human trafficking and sexual exploitation of the mothers.  We ruled that out and I've put my energies into volunteering with various youth work projects and being a good auntie and have now made peace with that.  A lot of my work will live on in the young people I've worked with along the way but it was not a process I could have rushed myself into.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    The bond isn't the same but I dont think it is impossible to form a very strong lifelong bond. Always being there for the kid even through toughest challenges and there will be many. But every kid has a different personality. Its probably better to discuss this with an adoption agency where you can let them know the age and temperament you can handle

  • 1 month ago

    I believe that homo sapiens are much more affected by nurture than by nature. But hey, you believe that people imprint like geese. Seems kinda demeaning and really sad.

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