Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

I need help and advice about my wife and kid?

I am a 27 years old who grew up in foster care. It wasn't easy and when I got out I started to feel free and decided to live my life to the fullest. I almost found happiness when I got married to my wife (24 years old). We have a beautiful baby boy and I am so happy. Yet she was diagnosed with depression since she lost her job and now almost every day she cries and is unable to do all the things a mom should do. I try to be optimist and support her but she just fell into this well and doesn't seem to get out. It's not so bad but some days are ok and seem normal some others are just crying when we have dinner. Idk what to do. Idk why this happened. She wad really happy with me, until some month ago. I never met her like that.

3 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    One assumes this diagnosis has led to some actual treatment. Antidepressants generally take a few months to really kick in and start working. But if does get better if you can just sort of take up the slack for a while. This isn't about you and there's a global glut of serious mental illness right now. The biggest thing will be to make sure your son is kept safe, stimulated and doesn't begin to pick up on "something's wrong with Mommy". 

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Take her to a doctor and have her treated for depression.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    That sounds tough.  The most important thing to understand is that your wife's depression is neither caused by you nor is she being depressed in order to punish you.  Depression is a strange illness.  Sometimes you can tell exactly what started it (a death in the family, losing a job) and sometimes it just happens for no apparent cause.  It's different to just being sad and it doesn't go away when the thing that caused it is fixed, like getting a new job.  It's more like an infection left behind when the skin has healed over (which is why it needs treatment).  I've suffered from depression at various points in my life and I can only describe it like a great weight crushing you down.  Did you ever have someone stand behind you while you were sitting down and just push your shoulders down with all their weight?  (That was a common horsing around thing when I was a kid.)  That's what depression feels like all the time.  It's a horrible feeling.

    I really hope that your wife can access some treatment.  Is your son young?  She might be suffering from postnatal depression and getting laid off just tipped her over the edge into not coping.  If she's not seen a doctor try to get her to one.  Getting better is a lot like recovering from a sports injury.  Doing nothing, as in not engaging with daily life, makes the situation worse but doing too much can also make the situation worse.  Can anybody help you and your wife out?  Can somebody come in and do the heavy cleaning once a week?  Can someone watch your son so you two can spend a little time together even if it's just going for a walk at the nearest county park?  Can you watch your son so your wife can go for a walk, have a long bath, do online therapy, journal, do an online class or work on her resumé?  Have you ever asked your wife what her aspirations are for a year from now, 3 years, 5, or even 10?  Try working on a plan together with little baby steps at a time.

    This next bit of advice is for you directly from someone who didn't have the happiest or secure childhood: beware of clinging too hard to the picture "perfect happiness" you constructed as a kid.  It was an aspiration that motivated you and kept you going and so was extremely beneficial, but it's also untrue and not realistic.  It's done its job and now you can fold it up and put it away like a favorite old sweater you can't bring yourself to throw out.  That kind of perfection doesn't exist, unfortunately.  Grown up life is about learning to be a skilled driver in adverse conditions when they crop up and taking pride in that, not always being entitled to a smooth road in perfect weather with a brand new, high end car with never-ending gas.  Not that life should be a constant struggle, it's just that those moments are intense happiness and perfection are like the dew catching the light in the lawn, real, wonderful, and beautiful, but not the lawn itself and the grass will still need to be mown, but that's not a terrible chore either if you take pride in it and learn to enjoy the doing.  Well, that's a lot of mixed metaphors but I think you'll catch my drift.  If you ever have the chance you might want to revisit your thoughts and feelings around growing up and how those echo into the choices you make every day even now.

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