My girlfriend of 5 months lies to me about her guy friend. Should I leave?

Some context: I’m 23 and my gf is 21. she’s been knowing him for about 3 years now and they’ve had sex before we met but they still talk to each other and hang out to this day. He has a huge crush on her while she doesn’t like him. He has a girlfriend but constantly flirts with my gf through text and Snapchat, even after knowing my gf is with me now. She doesn’t exactly flirt back, but she doesn’t stop it either. I’ve explained to her several times that it makes me uncomfortable. We’ve had several Talks/arguments about this and instead of respecting my feelings, she talks and hangs out with him behind my back now. She even lied about getting him a Christmas present. I only find out about it because I can see them texting each other while we’re in bed. Just the other day I found out that they “accidentally” slept together at a Halloween party because my gf got drunk with a group of people and then went to bed in her room first, then later he fell asleep next to her. Her sister is the one who told me. I couldn’t make it there that day because we live over 3 hours away so she invited him instead. If I was there I guarantee she would not have invited him. This guy has tried to sabotage our relationship ever since we started dating because of his jealousy. I asked her why she’s still friends with him after that and all she tells me is that she feels bad for him. I’m so confused and don’t know what to do. We love each other very much but I’m really close to walking away from this. 

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sorry about your pain. I think that you've answered your own question. She's disrespecting you and mutual respect is one of the keys to any long lasting relationship.

    Unfortunately a person who has true love for you does not treat you this way. 

    Could you possibly be confusing having the feeling of being "in love" and true love?

    Here's some information about love from the books True Love Lasts, Straight Talk About Teen Dating, and Straight Talk About Dating:

    “Unfortunately, lots of people don’t know what true love is and that’s a big reason why a large number of marriage relationships are unhappy. Many people think that true love is just a feeling. You know, the wonderful head spinning feeling of being “in love.”

    If true love is just a feeling, feelings come and go. But true love doesn't come and go. True love is patient and kind. It isn’t jealous, rude, selfish, controlling, or easily angered. It forgives. It’s supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.

    Unlike the feeling of being “in love” which is relatively easy to get especially during dating, true love usually develops slowly over a significant period of time (often years). In order to develop true love for someone you really have to know them well – which means that you have had a chance to observe their behavior in all types of situations (pay special attention to how they react when things go wrong or they don’t get their way). True love is so much more than just the feeling of being “in love” - it’s supposed to be a mutual lifelong commitment. When you say that you love your significant other, you’re saying that you’re committed to loving them for the rest of your life - for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death do you part. True love lasts - it almost never fails.

    Think of it this way, if a person has true love for another person, it’s like the sun - it’s always there no matter what (remember that even at night, the sun is still there, it’s just shining on the other side of the earth - and when it’s cloudy outside the sun is also still there, it’s just behind the clouds).

    On the other hand, the feeling of being “in love” is like sunshine - even though we’d like it to be sunny every day, the truth is that the amount of sunshine changes regularly. Some days it’s nice and sunny and the feeling of being “in love” is strong, on others it’s partly cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is there but it’s not very strong, and on other days it’s cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is barely there at all. I’m hoping that this explanation is helping you to see that it’s possible for a person to have true love for another person and not have a strong intense feeling of being “in love” with that person at a particular moment. (If you talk with married couples, I think they’ll tell you that the strength of their feelings of being “in love” changes regularly.)

    So when you hear someone say, “I don't love him or her anymore” - take it for what it usually is. It’s usually someone saying that they’ve lost the feeling of being “in love”, that they don’t know how or they’re not willing to make the effort required to get the feeling back, and that they probably never had true love for their significant other to begin with because true love almost never fails.

    Many times I’ve heard young women say, “my boyfriend loves me.” Unfortunately, most of these women have been fooled. How could their boyfriend possibly have true love for them if their boyfriend doesn’t even know what true love is? Sadly many people marry when one or both people don't have true love for the other - and the result is usually divorce because it's hard to keep a marriage together when it's based only on the feeling of being "in love."

    My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money).

    My second suggestion is that you eventually look for this type of person (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of person is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.

    (Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)

    Hope this helps!

    Source(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Why is she talking with him, if  she does not like him?  Ask her that.

  • y
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    "We love each other very much"

    No you love her very much, she has no real clue about what she actually wants and feels. Pretty simple. I bet you made her hide the fact she was still hanging out with him becouse she knew, you didn't like it. Not, sorry, but not telling the entire truth is still lying.   She may change, at some point this will come to a head, but not before it gets more negative. Have fun figuring this out, been there. 

  • 1 month ago

    No one "accidentally sleeps" with someone. She's cheating on you and trying to worm her way out of it with lies. She is still deeply involved with him and the question is why you aren't already seeing it as clearly as you depicted it to us. Yes, walk away.  

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    "We love each other very much" - Yet -  "she talks and hangs out with him behind my back now. She even lied about getting him a Christmas present"........"they “accidentally” slept together at a Halloween party"

    You are deluding yourself "very much"..............nuff said.

  • 1 month ago

    she does not "feel bad for him" she is loving the attention and control she has over him and over you for that matter since you put up with it, you might think you love each other very much but in reality she has no respect for you at all.

  • 1 month ago

    Let me ask you something here, how serious are you from walking away from her? She has already a) has a history of having sex with him b) knows he is into her c) is lying to you about him d) they ****** at the halloween party e) she chose him over you. It sounds to me like you are doing everything in your power to convince yourself that she is 100% committed to you, and will hang onto any straw she gives you.

    You should walk away from her, she has made it clear who she really wants to be with.

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