Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

It bothers me when my boyfriend drinks?

I grew up with an alcoholic dad who was abusive towards my mom and my older sister. We didn't live with him after I turned 7, but I still remember the way alcohol affected him

I wouldn't consider my boyfriend an alcoholic, but he drinks more than I would like him to. We've been going out for a year and a half and in the first year, there were 2 instances where he got drunk and became very mean and said hurtful things. After those instances, I had talks with him to let him know that I wasn't going to tolerate that because I don't want to be disrespected

We came to an agreement that he would only drink once a month, but of course that didn't last

I would say he drinks weekly, but sometimes goes a couple weeks without a drink

Over the last 2 months, he got black out drunk and didn't remember anything about those nights. After that, he said he really was going to cut back because he didn't want to not be in control of himself

So last week, his boss invited him out 2 nights in a row and he drank both times. Didn't get tipsy or anything; just had a few beers.

His boss invited him out last night and I asked him not to drink and he said ok. Then later texted me to ask if it was ok if he had a couple beers  "to take the edge off of working and working out" 

I told him to do whatever he wants (clearly upset) and he said he didn't want me to be upset. I told him I'm not the boss of him and I'm not gonna tell him what he can and can't do. So he ended up drinking 3 beers

Update:

Sorry this was so long, but my question is do you think this relationship is worth continuing despite this issue? He knows about my dad and how I feel about drinking. I only drink a few times a year and when I do, I don't drink much

*he has never shown any violence towards me but has punched a door before and also punched a dollhouse

Update 2:

I don't ask him to give up alcohol completely; just to cut down. I don't want to control him, which is why I tell him to do whatever he wants. And the reason I ask him to cut down is because of the way he gets when he's drunk

5 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. Alcoholism takes different forms, but your boyfriend's behavior qualifies completely. If he agrees to seek treatment there's a good chance he can get it under control because it sounds like it's not extreme yet. If not, I promise you it will just get worse over time and you'll be enabling it.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Get him out of your life. You see where he is heading. why have to deal with it at all.

  • 1 month ago

    It makes you mad. It will never stop making you mad.

    The hitting stuff in the house is common in sober men everywhere. 

    It's a sign he is poor at expressing his feelings under stress.

    You will not get over your dislike of booze.  He will not like.

  • Nicey8
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Hi, you may consider whether to continue your relationship with him. Imagine what he would do if you get married with him.

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  • 1 month ago

    If you are going to require your "significant other" to be a teetotaler then find one instead f trying to over control your current boyfriend. 

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