Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Should I move in with my mom who abused me as a child?

My mom was very abusive when I was growing up. she allowed her bf to molest my sisters and I. He would beat me frequently. I’d go to school in bruises but I’d hide them. She always did things to impress the guy she was with and would do whatever he wanted. She would leave for days at a time while my siblings and I were home alone. We would try to call her cell but it would be turned off. She’d show up a few days later. We got no affection from her. She left me homeless at 16. I am now almost 28 and struggle badly mentally. I feel that I’m not good enough for anyone. I don’t talk to people because I feel like they won’t like me. I’m so insecure. I don’t have a career or any accomplishments. My mom now acts like a perfect person, she is a perfect grandma, she speaks to me as if she never did anything wrong. When I try to bring up what she’s done and how it’s affected me.. she says “you’re an adult, get over it. Don’t blame others for how you feel”..  all I’d like is an apology.. she will completely ignore me if I bring up the past. She will sweep it under the rug and change the subject. It’s easy for her to move on but I suffer from so much depression. I have an opportunity to move in with her to get my life together but I feel so much hate towards her. She has an extra room for me and will help me get a car. Should I do it? Or continue struggling on my own?

5 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If it's that or homelessness I'd move in there just long enough to get some career training and get on my feet. Then you can leave and never speak to her again if you so choose. 

  • david
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    No you shouldn't.  Sometimes it's best to leave toxic people in the past.  There's a psychological concept called severe ownership that you should start practicing.  It means that despite whatever hardships you've faced even though they weren't your fault at all, when you take charge of your own life 100%, you will be empowered to improve your life because it's completely up to you and not up to those you can't depend on anyways. Don't expect anything from her and you will not continue to be disappointed!  Start with small things and when they are fulfilled, the bigger things won't seem so big anymore.  Just move forward a little bit at a time and you will be doing a great service to yourself.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i wouldnt move in with her

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    No.  Please do not even THINK about moving in with her.  In fact, she shouldn't even be  part of your life at the moment.  The day might come when this changes, but you need to be a lot stronger than you are now.  Here's what I mean.

    Obviously, none of this was your fault.  But if it was as bad as you say, nobody can get past this without some talk therapy.  You didn't say anything about that, but it's the best gift you can give yourself.  Your worldview is still very skewed by her horrible parenting, and a therapist can help you untangle all this.  You say all you want is an apology, but that doesn't mean anything.  It's not about her or what she says; it's about YOU now.

    You don't say anything about your current living or job situation, but find another alternative besides living with her.  In fact, if you can't cut off all contact with her, at least start distancing yourself.  Find a way to get that therapy, focus on your job or living situation, and then wait it out.  You're a grown woman and you want to be able to tell her she doesn't get to decide when and how you see each other.   YOU are the one who decides it.

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  • Barry
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    No. Make your own way in life like we all have to.

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