Am I rude for feeling like my boyfriend is not doing enough for me?

I started my second semester of college and my bf, of over 3 years, joined the military last November. We are highschool sweethearts and have been a LDR since the beginning. He has a single mom and money was tight, so I never made money a big deal  (for helping pay for gas, extra food, small gifts) There were times that he'd struggle with making me gifts (like writing poetry or letters) and I felt I was putting more effort. I let it slide when I know I probably shouldn't have since it wouldn't take more than 10-15 minutes to write your girl a letter for her bday or Christmas. But I was in love and would make excuses. He's finishing up basic and we've attempted to write letters to each other to stay in contact. He also said he'd send his family and I money for important stuff or for plane tickets to go see him. So since he's been getting paid as an E2, (and my birthday passing) I thought that if he did plan on sending me money (since he can't see me any time soon), he'd send a decent amount like he's spent on some of his family members for Christmas this year and their birthdays. But a week ago on the day after my birthday, he sent me $10 . Not enough to treat myself to a nice dinner or by myself a small bouquet of roses, since I can't eagerly spend my time with him. My father, even with all the financial help he's given me when my bf and I were still in high school, said that was really 'cheap' for someone you've been dating for over 3 years. Am I rude for thinking this?

4 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    it’s rude. point blank. yes men struggle with emotional feelings and expressing them like poetry and letters, but it’s not that hard. especially letters. he simply can tell you how he’s doing and what he’s been up to just as if he was talking to you in person or on the phone. **** the guy who answered saying he’s putting his life at risk and has better things to do. if he loves you, he’d do the best he can. and the best he can is not 10 ******* dollars. especially since he’s spent plenty more then that on his family members. if he truly does love you, he would do his best. hell, if i were him i’d send you a big bouquet of flowers and $100 at LEAST. that’s just disgusting. i’m sorry you’ve put up with someone who doesn’t see your worth for so long.

  • 1 month ago

    I understand. I had a boyfriend once who spent $10 on a Christmas present for me. I can tell you that that was an indication of a general lack of generosity of spirit, and the relationship ended. I don't know where he is, but it's possible to order presents from anywhere in the world and have it delivered to you. That would have indicated a little thought, anyway. $10 is dismissive.

    Now- on the other hand, I think you're being unrealistic to expect poetry and a lot of letters. Men find it much harder to express their feelings than women, and they tend to think that once they're in a relationship, they don't have to put the effort into communicating any more (that's from research- read Deborah Tannen). 

  • 1 month ago

    No you are not rude for thinking this. What would be rude is if you expressed it out loud, but you haven't.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    considering the fact that he is serving in the military and could die at any time. I think you should cut him some slack.

    What he is doing right now is more important than you are.

    If you cannot stand the long distance relationship, then save him the heartbreak and break-up now.

    otherwise, be patient and wait for him to comeback after his service

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