My gf is putting her theoretical career move over our relationship. Am I wrong for being upset?

My gf is currently in the police academy and was considering going for something higher like the FBI. I’ve done the research and if you’re an FBI agent you have to sign a form consenting to moving if the FBI asks you to. You can request a particular office in a state of your choosing, but their website says that only about 1/3 of agents actually get their first pick for field offices. Basically by her pursuing this job, she more than likely would have to live somewhere else other than where we planned. I told her that I’m not ok with it, and that I’m comfortable with where we plan to live because it not only is a good career move for us both, but it keeps us close to both of our families. She’s still considering it. I don’t think it’s fair to ask me to give up my job at a good company to possibly move somewhere else and make me move from my family, when she could find a good job in the area were looking at. It’s not like she’ll be unhappy with a job as a regular officer; it’s something she’s wanted to do. She’s just looking at something she finds a little more exciting. It seems like something you’d do if you were single. She’s not thinking about my career or feelings. If she really wants to travel and do something exciting like that, then she shouldn’t be in a relationship. Am I wrong for feeling that way? It just feels like she’s asking me to sacrifice a lot while she’s having to sacrifice very little to do things the way we originally planned.

5 Answers

  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are entitled to your feelings, of course the idea of moving away from your family and friends and the things you know is upsetting. It's normal that you are upset.

    But at the same time, you are assuming LOTS of things. She's in the police academy, she is CONSIDERING applying to the FBI and you have made a whole movie in your head about her asking/demanding/expecting you move away to other state and leave your job and what not.

    Nothing has happened yet.  As far as we know, she hasn't even applied. She could fail, she could change her mind, she could decide she wants to do something else. She could die tomorrow in a car accident. Life is unpredictable.

    Instead getting all anxious, listen to what she wants and the plans she would like. If those plans aren't compatible w yours (moving to another state, for example) then do the mature thing and break up.

    Relationships are meant to know each other and realize if you TWO are compatible enough for the long run.

    This question could be asked by her "is it okay i feel upset bc my boyfriend expects me to stay simply as a police officer and not aspire to something else? he just wants to stay in the same state as our families, and keep his cozy job at the company he works at but he doesn't consider my feelings or my needs"

    You two need to talk and have an honest conversation. If your needs and plans for the life you picture don't match, is best to know it now.

  • 2 months ago

    Three closely related posts.  Yes you two should not try to be in a relationship.  You care more about your job than anything else.  Maybe the job is more valuable.  So marry the job not a person.

  • 2 months ago

    I feel like you're incompatible for each other. It seems like you put your relationship first while she put her career first. None of you are wrong, people can have different priorities. I think it would be better if you break up. You won't have to sacrifice your happiness and she won't have to sacrifice her goal.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Make the decision for her, make her single.  She surely does not care about how this will effect you.

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  • OTTO
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    How you work out your differences will define your relationship. How much each of you are willing to sacrafice will define your love.

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