Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Am I missing something here? My husband's annoying statements on my degree...?

My husband has a 2 year vocational degree,  I have a 4 year communications degree.  I never thought it would bother him, but i secretly think he gets jealous perhaps? 

I worked fulltime all my life even when we got married and enjoyed great opportunities with my degree,  when were 3 years married he really wanted a child but i enjoyed us being childless for a while , since we were both saving money and working and traveling. We fought over children, and he wanted kids, 3 years later we have a little boy, because my husband didn't want my son in daycare, I stayed home and worked part time instead, all of a sudden my husband would complain, that since i have a higher degree it doesn't pay bills...i was like UM...hello?...you dont want my child in daycare, so how in the world am i supposed to work fulltime, I at least work part time...most mom's don't!!! 

He was the one who wanted kids when I mentioned its best if we continue saving. He was the one who did not want our child placed in daycare..am i missing something?  He says my degree is worthless...yet...my degree has opened up several jobs for me while he is only able to work one type of job...based on his degree.... I got so mad once and told him instead of being so hateful towards my degree...maybe you should consider another one?  Is he jealous of my degree and trying to reverse it instead because hes upset with his career choice?  He expects no one else to watch our child...but is upset that we don't have money?...

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your husband sound like a controlling jerk. He blames you for all the "problems" when actually the issues he complains about are because of his wants, needs and demands. He wanted kids, he doesn't want your son in daycare and yet it didn't sound like he made the offer to be a stay at home dad. 🤦‍♂️ 👶 👨

    He's upset because you don't have enough money? That's on him because his job doesn't pay enough to suit his spending's or lifestyle.  💰💸 🛕You should turn the tables on him and gripe and complain that his job earnings are not near enough to live on. Also tell him that his "degree" is worthless and he should have furthered his career knowing that his degree only equates to low paying wages...not enabling him to advance to a better paying job...👨‍🎓 👨‍💼 😁💸💰🤑 He's probably bitter and angry and resents you because you were the one who used common sense by wanting to wait before having children, more educated than he is, and perhaps actually enjoyed the well paying full time job you had, whereas he probably works somewhere he he complains about and considers his job a "daily grind." 🧥👔 🤬Even if you went back to work full time and he stayed home with your son, he'd still  complain about something. Most likely he'd gripe that despite your degrees you don't make enough!  😏😫😡🗣🙅‍♂️🤏

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He has a certificate, not a degree!

  • 1 month ago

    Should like he is angry at himself and taking it out on you.  I love that he wants his children to be raised by you guys and not "a village ".   Try to talk things through with him and be supportive. 🥰

  • 1 month ago

    May be he has to understand the fact that sailing on two boats at a time is difficult! Either he should be happy because you are staying home to take care of the little one or he should allow you to work full time.

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  • 1 month ago

    Maybe re-visit the budget and spending. Ask him what is missing, maybe he wants to buy something but with current economy or his salary it seems next to impossible. 

    If you yourself feel happy with what you have, then you can always reply to him something like: "I can do a little bit more cooking, I can make sure house a little bit cleaner, sex is a little bit more often, maybe I'll do laundry more often and shopping.... but more work? No, I can't do that... you see i can barely handle everything else"

  • david
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Why don't you tell him to quit his job to do child care while you get a job. 

  • 1 month ago

    I would bet half of my paycheck there is a lot more going on...a LOT more.

    My situation is similar to what you describe, but I'm the one with the degree which has had more opportunities. For many, many years I've heard that me and the kids have been holding my wife back; how she never should have put her career on hold (yet the truth is she damn near got fired from her job for inability to do it). We've been empty nesters for three years (and she could have pursued a new career for much longer), yet she won't. She resents me and the kids for decisions she made.

    Many times, she expressed interest in alternate careers, and I've been supportive. She wanted to learn more about cyber security - so I knew people in that field & they offered to help her see if that is what she wanted. Even offered to have her attend a career conference for people considering cyber (this was before COVID). They even went so far as to get her free access to a number of limited-seat conferences. She blew it off and now my friends are mad at me because they went out of their way to help her.

    Around the house, I pay for everything but the groceries. I've solely put two kids through college, paid off our house, paid for all our vehicles, etc. On the other hand, she could squeeze blood from a nickle. The tires on her car were so dry rotted that me and our kids refused to ride with her - she was too cheap to replace them (until they would no longer hold air). And through it all, she blames me and the kids that 'we have no money' (while she secretly is squirreling away money so she can buy a house when she leaves me).

  • 1 month ago

    We can only guess at what's going on inside his head. You and he need to really communicate, possibly with the help of a counselor , since you are both not succeeding on your own.  The first step would be better communication skills; the second, using those skills, would be problem solving. Good luck,

  • 1 month ago

    With all due respect, there are just so many things wrong here.

    1.  First of all, your line that most mom's don't work even part time is wrong.  I think that in today's society, it takes more than one income.  

    2.  Your husband sounds pretty insecure, but it might not be about his degree.  If you make more than he does because of your degree, maybe it's more about ego.  Maybe he feels like he should be the bread winner, and his lack of being able to do that causes anger.

    3.  If he is frustrated with his career and yours opened up opportunities for you, would he consider being Mr. Mom?   I am guessing it's not an option because he seems too proud, but I think you both have a lot to sort through.   Is this about money, kids, careers, etc, etc, etc etc...

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Maybe he should stay home and you work? He can't have it both ways.

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