My parents don't want me to propose to my gf because she was abused. Help?
I want to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. She is the most amazing woman I know, I have no doubts whatsoever about our relationship because I love her with all my heart. When we first met she told me right off the bat that she has no relationship with any of her family members. She is of a different culture and in her culture 'family is everything' but her family abused the hell out of her. Also, she comes from a very large family too so her aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins would abuse her and worst of all her siblings and parents too. I can't write her whole story here because it is too long and depressing. She is such a brave person and I respect her for it as all she has ever had she worked for. I on the other hand have had a very privileged upbringing and never had to go through anything major in my life.
My gf said she never wants to see or talk to any of her family. I have never met her family but my mother says that that is suspicious. I tried to explain to my mom about what happened to my gf. Before she seemed 'understanding' but when I mentioned to my parents that I want to marry her, my mother has been acting up telling me that my gf is hiding something and wants her to 'prove' her past. My dad is now reiterating the same nonsense as my mom. My family is wealthy and I will be inheritiatijg my grandparents estate, but my parents are now doubting if she is 'suitable' because they believe she is hiding something, but I don't. What do I do?
I need to clear something up. A lot of people think that I asked my parents if I should propose to my gf and that is not the case. I have an amazing relationship with them and before proposing I always wanted to tell my parents because it just felt like a good idea to make them proud. I still want to marry my gf and they had just brought up their concerns about her when I told them my plan. Anyways thanks for the support.
- ?Lv 41 month ago
Do what makes you happy honestly
- PLv 71 month ago
This is a tough one. Your parents don't really have much ground to stand on, but marriage is a big deal. People change after marriage, and as much as you think you know her, it's hard to completely know someone without learning some of that from people who knew her growing up. Regardless if you really do have inheritance when taken care of legally she won't be able to touch it even after marriage. If she ever starts to show a little too much interest in it or starts demanding her name be put on certain accounts, you will know something else is up. Perhaps you and your parents need to talk to a lawyer who can alleviate some of their concerns. Divorces do happen every day and believe me no getting one ever thought it would happen to them. Some people have more to lose than others in that situation.
- Siamese Cat MomLv 41 month ago
You really don't sound like a matured adult? What guy needs his parents okay to propose? It goes by if you actually love her.
i would just marry her anyways, if they dont like it thats their problem
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Your parents have NOTHING to do with your choice of life partner, or who you marry, nor do they have any business interfering with your personal life whatsoever. What do you do? Tell your parents they are intruding.... because they are.
Next thing you know, they are going to demand you start raising children. that's none of their business, either.
- HayleyLv 41 month ago
Are you paying your own way in life? If you love her, propose to her.
- Anonymous1 month ago
You make this difficult when you don't give your age. This is a huge detail. I do know one thing, though. When someone is truly ready to take the huge step of a proposal, the reaction of parents shouldn't matter. In other words, if you were fully ready to commit your life and future to her, you wouldn't be asking this question. You'd be telling your parents you're doing this and you'd appreciate their support. The younger you are, the more likely it is that your parents are right. Also, if this was as bad as you say, has she ever gotten counseling? Most people who grow up in abusive homes need this.
Anyway, I partly agree with others about hiring a PI, although you may not have to do it this way. Sites like intelius.com will give you full background on someone for a cheap cost. I say "partly" agree, because this doesn't fix the problem if you're young and aren't ready for any of this. That's a completely separate issue. But there's no reason not to check into it.
- SandyLv 71 month ago
since you have money, hire a PI to look into your gf's background. this may create controversy when she finds out you did this, but you need to protect yourself. BTW if you are going to make her sign a pre-nup, it's the same "protection" thing. you are NOT being unreasonable to want to know about her family, good or bad. the more you know, the better. and if your marriage is advertised, somebody in her family will find out and they're going to show up on your doorstep, probably looking for a handout. good luck.
- Emily JLv 71 month ago
You propose and tell your parents that you love her and if that is not good enough for them, that tough tiddly wads.
- MerryLv 71 month ago
The heart wants what the heart wants.... But it is always wise to go in with your eyes wide open.
Abuse changes people and results in choices & decisions being made that can seem quite removed from normal or expected ones. But don't be too quick to dismiss things either... you say "She is of a different culture and in her culture 'family is everything'".... Abuse might be the only reason she has had not introduced you to her family.... But 3 years with no contact doesn't quite fit with the "She is of a different culture and in her culture 'family is everything'".