Why do people come out (sexuality)?

I’m gay and my parents are homophobic and I’ve known for like 4 years and I don’t care to tell my parents there’s no reason I’m single right now so it doesn’t matter and I’m 18 so I’m going to college soon and when I eventually find a partner I can just tell my parents we are room mates and best friends, there’s no reason to come out 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I would come out (when you are financially stable and are moved out) just so I know who I want to keep in my life and who I don't want to talk to again. Why would you want homophobes in your life? I get that they are family but sometimes the best thing to do is to cut them out if they are going to hate you for who you are. 

    People will question things. Why do you always live with a friend? After many years people will start to wonder. What about when you get married? No family can come or even know about it? What about wedding photos? Are you just going to hide those away when family comes over? Or does family not get to ever come over? People will think its weird that you always bring your "friend" to family gatherings or will your partner not be invited? You will have to be careful if you are together around people. Cant be too cuddly/romantic/whatever with each other. What if someone else finds out you are gay and tells your family? Intentionally or unintentionally. It might come out at some point. 

    People come out because it makes things easier. Its hard to live life hiding who you are and your partner. 

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    "Coming out" is a concept of the 20th Century.  Its last bit of significance was spent well before 2010.  Only middle schoolers concern themselves with it now.

    The fact is you mother will continue to ask about who you are spending your time with, and whether you are dating - and you can continue to dodge those questions indefinitely.  That's your right...(and she doesn't really want to know about your sex life, per se).  But give the poor woman a break.  She's only concerned with your welfare and happiness, which is what mothers DO.  When you finally meet someone you want to bring home, you should let her off the hook and tell her.

    This isn't "coming out" in the classical 1970 sense.  It's more like Chava telling Tevye that she's in love with a goy (Fiddler on the Roof).

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If you are on your own and paying your own bill or live in an environment where their will not be reprisals it’s better to be out. The reason we have what rights we do today is because people came out. It’s a huge grass roots movement. 

    You teach those in your corner of the world that lgbt are people too just like everyone else. If we had all stayed closeted then the hateful laws and customs that used to happen to us and still happen to us would still continue to be the law and still tolerated. 

    If your folks would cut you off - fine - be closeted for now. Do not put your self at risk. But when your on your own - being out is civic duty and you would be smart to do your part because all the people who came out before you have made the world a better place for you. So you can pay it forward to the people who come after you. No one appreciates free loaders. Do your part. And it’s not like you have to reinvent the wheel or do it all on your own. Plenty of lgbt groups to find solidarity with. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    There is certainly no need to tell your parents now, especially if you are still dependent on them and you are in danger of being abandoned by them.  And, it is only up to you when (and if) you decide to tell them at all. Speaking from personal experience, I know that for me it was a relief to come out of the closet.  I finally felt that I was really myself and not playing a role.  But then my parents were really more accepting than your might be. The difficulty might come with a partner who is out and wants to be free to live openly.  But that's in the future.  This is something that you need to decide with your partner when the time comes.  Good luck.

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  • 1 month ago

    Sure.

    And for the rest of your life mum and dad will be asking,  when are you going to find a nice girl,  get married,  settled down and give us some grand children. 

    They will ask this when you turn 21,  25, 30 and 40 and 50 until they die. 

    Although if you think they wont work this out your a bigger fool than they are.  Sooner than later someone will let it out.   

    You will know when mum knows because suddenly she will stop asking the above question and any questions about what you do in your own time.  

    All that said,  I am stuffed if I can see what the issue is.   

    Ask your self, what would they say to you if in general conversation the subject of their teen years was to come up and you told them it was wrong what they did as teenagers. 

    I  can assure you they wont entertain your objections because when it comes down to it, what they did in their youth is not for you to judge.   Why then should they get to judge you? 

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