Insecure/ lazy partner ?

My BF and I have been dating 3 years going on our 4th year in 2 months. We have a great relationship. Meaning we can talk openly, are respectful of each other’s feelings etc. When we first met he was a little chubby , which I really didn’t care about as long as he took care of himself. I am a very athletic guy, I workout 3 times a week fairly muscular. My issue here is that throughout our relationship he continues to say that he’s “ fat, ugly, disgusting etc” I encourage him and try to be supportive. Giving him the option to workout with me. Or I’ll show him how to cook healthy meals. However he never wants to do anything that will get him in a better place physically. He refuses to cook, and he refuses to workout but then the negative self talk starts again.  He doesn’t clean around the house, and when he does he does a half *** job. Whenever I bring these things up I try to be as sympathetic as I can. But he throws a tantrum about it. When it comes to sex , I feel that his weight is depleting his libido. He is unable to stay hard, and gets exhausted within a 2 min span and we just stop. We tried to be in a open relationship however we didn’t feel comfortable hooking up with other people. I’ve been having second thoughts about being with him. And I hate that I feel this way. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Stop feeling bad about NOT being OK with this. I think this currently fashionable idea that we must be OK with fatties is on a level with expecting us to be OK with substance abuse, with habitual petty theft, with infidelity. However much it may be compulsion rather than free choice, I don't have to be OK with it. 

    They way I say it is "Maybe you're OK with you being fat, but I'm not OK with you being OK with it. You are deliberately NOT taking responsibility for keeping yourself fit and healthy. That's passive aggressive crap and no way I'm OK with it. I'm not going to hate you or try to harm you, but I'm not going to accept it as OK either. It's self harm and that's not OK."

    Not that long ago obesity was considered a character issue. It was generally accepted that while a few fatties are fat due to medical issues, MOST fatties are fat because they are greedy and lazy, lacking in self control, self discipline. 

    You're not a bad person, just a person who isn't in step with the current fashion of making excuses for fatties. It's not unreasonable to expect your partner to (1) find a few hours a week for exercise, (2) knock off the "oh poor pitiful me" crap, (3) do his share around the house, and (4) stop eating so much unhealthy garbage. 

    Expecting a partner to "straighten up and fly right" in the matter of maintaining health fitness is every bit as legitimate and reasonable as expecting a partner to be faithful, be honest, be financially responsible, be emotionally supportive. 

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