Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

How do you leave a selfish alcoholic?

Been married over 30 years. He drinks nightly and won't stop. It has ruined our marriage. I want to leave but have nowhere to go.

19 Answers

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    What you do is make certain you can support yourself financially, and then you select the things you want that you bought with your own money or you inherited from your parents, and you file for divorce and leave.  Period.  I was married to one for 33 years.  He once told me that if I ever decided to leave, to not bother with coming back.  I reminded him of that after I was gone.  I had to file for bankruptcy because he spent all of our joint money on gambling.  The first thing you do is to get a bank account in your name only, in another bank than the one you have a joint account in.  That way, he can't get at your money.  My ex spent the rest of his miserable life trying to get revenge because I left, so be prepared to defend yourself.

  • 1 month ago

    30 years? He is never going to change.  Alcohol is a drug and you can't reason with a person on drugs.  Leave him.

  • 1 month ago

    FIND a room to rent and take control of your destiny. 

    Or

    Remain miserable with your alcoholic husband.

    Pick one!

  • hi
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Well, this is a liberal forum so most people will tell you to divorce him, leave him homeless  or have an affair ..

    I would totally advice you against all those "suggestions". Maybe you could separate for a while and then maybe he would come to his senses.  Don't you have siblings or cousins who could leave you stay with them for a while ? or maybe he could move out for a period of time?

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  • 1 month ago

    Speak to an attorney and get some advice. If you divorce you will likely be entitled to some money, and can rent your own place with it. But you will need to find a job 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Maybe contact a women's shelter or the salvation army. Where I live, the salvation army have social workers who can help.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You make your plan then you execute it. Start by determining the assets you have at your disposal. Do you work? Where is you paycheck currently deposited? If it’s in a joint account, open an account in your name only and have your direct deposit changed over. If you have a joint account, document what is in it, then take your half and move it into your own account. You need to ensure you are scrupulous in your documentation, because you will need to prove in court that you took no more than you were entitled to. Any jointly held investment accounts, etc make sure you have the account information and current values for. 

    At the very least consult with a family law attorney, better is to actually hire one. They will be able to advise you of your best course of action in your state and given your marital situation. For example, if you have a jointly owned home you leaving it may not be in your best interests. You file for divorce and have him served with papers. Your state may require a legal separation before you can divorce, your attorney will know and be able to advise you.  To say you have nowhere to go is no excuse. If your goal is to physically leave, you have options at your disposal. Maybe you don’t have family or any friends you can turn to, but you can get your own place or even move into a hotel temporarily. Worst case there are always shelters you could look into. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    The obvious solution is think outside the box and find a place to go.  Are you saying there is absolutely nobody in your life who'd let you stay with them until you're on your feet?  If so, this is on you, not him.  I don't mean to be critical, but you need to start holding yourself more responsible.  That makes everything easier because it empowers you.  

    Also, have you ever been to an Alanon meeting?  You need this badly, and I'm guessing you haven't (simply because you would have learned how to escape a long time ago).  It's never too late, though, and you really really need support right now.  He may be a jerk and an alcoholic, but nobody stays married this long without a lot of complex emotions. This means you, too, are suffering trom the co-dependency of his drinking.  It's all you know in life as an adult!  Alanon will save your sanity & help you sort through all this.

    PS  Pls ignore the answer from "hi".  I'm a substance abuse counselor and I've seen people linger in a marriage for 30-40 years, trying to figure out what to do to "make him come to his senses".  He will quit when and if he wants, and you will have no impact on that.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Maybe contact a women's shelter or the salvation army. Where I live, the salvation army have social workers who can help.

  • 2 months ago

    Don't leave, get a divorce and force HIM to leave. Then you keep the house and have somewhere to go.

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