Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Grown daughter wants nothing to do with me.  It hurts.  What should I do?

Her father and I got divorced over 10 years ago.  She was already grown and out of the house at that time.  Just to clear the air.. nobody ran around on anybody.. it was just time to move on.  Both of us agreed.  People do change.  Again, its been 10 years and for these 10 years I have tried off and on.. mostly on to get up with her to be her "mother" again.  She makes small moves but then retreats back to showing no signs of making mends.  This is getting old.  While I would never turn my back on my child, its eating at my mental health this fence that I am on.  I hurt and have been for quite a while. But how much longer should I try?  I feel like I am begging for just a smidge of contact and when I get a line or two.. its like old times but then she shuts me out again for a few months and its back and forth like this all the time.  I hate it but I really dont know how much more I can take.  I have called, no return calls, texted, no return texts, cards, emails, letters, gifts and begging... its just come to almost begging.  I really do want to move on WITH her in each others lives.. but its pretty apparent that she does not.  She is in her late 30's.  Its time to grow up and settle differences and move on.. right?? PS.. I absolutely never talked trash about him.. but he did me.  I refused to talk trash because at the end of the day.. he is her father. Any ideas .. anyone.. please?

6 Answers

  • Kate
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your daughter knows you want to have her in your life. You have done everything necessary to make it clear and she has still ignored you. At this point, all you can do is wait and see. I would send an email (or whatever) and let her know the door is always open. Promise to let bygones be bygones and tell her you will just be happy with communication.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Forget about her, stop trying

  • 2 months ago

    God bless you. It's pathetic to face a growing child like that. But it's more than normal to see such a thing in modern society. Be strong and cool. Try to find a method to enjoy your life. You have done your obligation. Never expect your child would understand you.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Have you ever asked her outright why she's avoiding you?  You mentioned a lot of things in here you've tried, but nothing along these lines.  To me, this is the most important question of all.   

    If I were you, I'd send her an email and call it "Last Try" or something.  She's more likely to read it that way.  In the email, you'd tell her that you are done begging for contact.  Tell her you'll always welcome her if she wants to re-establish contact, but until that point, she is on her own (use those words).  Then send it.  Avoid the temptation to embellish it, etc.  There's nothing more to be said.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I am so sorry this happened to you. It is far more common than you can imagine. Sometimes it doesn't even take a divorce but often one parent gets the blame when it does. Unfortunately as an adult, she gets to decide who she wants in her life. I would stick to sending her birthday and Christmas cards and leave it at that. She knows how to reach you. In the meantime, try to live your best life. If she's married herself she will understand eventually. But you can't force it. You might seek out therapy to be able to cope with the hurt and/or look for parental alienation support groups.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Stop trying. She has made it abundantly 

    clear where you stand in her life, so just 

    stop. If she CHOSES to contact you, well 

    and good, but don't expend any effort in 

    trying to get her to change her attitude. 

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