Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

My wife wants to live alone to see if she still loves me, what do I do?

Hello everyone,

I have been married for 4 years with my wife. I am 44 she is 39 and we have no kids nor want any. I thought we were happily married until my wife a few months ago started to become cold and distant. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she wanted to live alone and did not know what she felt for me anymore. She accused me of being negative and not ambitious. I do admit I joke around about negative stuff and I should earn more money, but I am responsible and provided a home and all she needs. I tried to tell her I would do better and be more ambitious and better financially. Since our talk we now live like "roommates" and she still wants to leave to see what she feels. I am so sad. I really need advice.

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Obviously there is something bothering her, that she either does not fully know or does not know how to express her feelings.  It also possible she is not your real mate.  Normally when you have a problem you work it out with your mate.  But I have had friends and famil members who seemed like they were in love and made for each other, but you truly never know if you can count on your partner until you go though some bad times, and they rise to the event and do what is needed to support you and the family.  Like a child dying, having too many kids 7 in 5 yrs.  with 2 sets of twins. Having not 1 but 2 of your 5 daughters raped.  2 of the total 10 kids getting mixed up with drugs, and spending sometime in jail.  1 major house fire, all happening within the first 20yrs of a 54 yr marriage.  Not to mention having a partner the last 10yrs with my father becoming the caregiver of my mother with congestive heart failure, before he suddenly had a heart attack and died.  We have gone through a very bad year, and unfortunately not all couples married or not survive.  You both could have been in love but grew apart. Or it was a love good enough to work out when times were good, but not strong enough to make it through some bad times.  But working through some bad times, might also include some separation.  Some troubles happen when one might have a setback and does not handle it in the best way at first.  Or we grow apart or not at the same pace.  Which makes some people feel neglected, or unappreciated.  Some people separate, some cheat, some do drugs, or abuse alcohol. 50% supposedly end permenantly Break up or get divorced .  Only you and your wife know whuch one are you two.  But a few things you can do can help. Counseling is one.  If she needs some space, you could give it to her.  If she wants a break, it might be a good thing for both of you.  You kind of are already, living as roommates.  A therapist might suggest separating for a while.  WIth no kids, one of you will need to move out, for a while.  You both can decide who moves out, and for how long.  30-60 days to a few months.  Where both of you can see, date other people.  Some people who want a break, never think about their partner also can see other people, when they ask for a break in a relationship.  Sounds odd and unfair, that a person both men and women who ask for a break, or want to date others, do not think their partner should would or want to date others too.  It does not mean you have to date others or would want to, but if she wants a break, it should be a clear break, where both of you can see others, including possible to also have sex if you decide to.  In a few months you might meet someone else, or she might realize what she had and wants it back.  Or you grew too mcuh apart, or were never a couple that can make it through bad times, and you both have to move on.   

  • 2 months ago

    Move on. Her turning cold and distant has more to do with the affair she's having with a 'bad boy'.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I hope you can feel better soon but since she has become distant there obviously is a reason behind it. If she lost that feeling maybe you should try to do something spontaneous to spice the marriage like go on a date but I feel as though . Also if she is being distant maybe she not the one but no one just looses that feeling out of no where

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    She most likely has someone else and wants her old life back!

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    At the end of the day a marriage where there is no intention of having children is just like she says

    "roommates". That's all you are, there is no real reason to be committed to one another. She probably wants to experience another man/men or even women?

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    What you said about your wife does not much beyond speculation but it does confirm that there is one if not more men digging her guts out.

    And the harsher reality for you, it might not be the first time this is happening. 

  • 2 months ago

    its over go to the lawyer and end it. she doesnt love you so why even try

  • garry
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    let her , and you can find a new partner , after all she want some one else , could be she fancies your friend or another lady ..she wants to move out then let her . her choice .

  • 2 months ago

    I'd say she's getting tired of you and wants to move on at your expense. Once she moves out she'll most likely seek an affair with another guy and it'll be over for your marriage.

  • P
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It's always a huge mistake to admit you should be "more ambitious and better financially".  Almost everyone could do better in that area, but at the end of the day she should accept you as you are and you shouldn't feed into her selfish intentions.  It's not your responsibility to improve her lifestyle or to entertain her, she is an adult who can do that for herself.   At this point your negativity and lack of self confidence may have done too much damage.  You need to give her the space she wants and take the time for yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't really respect you.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Bang some other chicks.

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