I dont want to move back with my mom. What should I do?
I recently made some bad choices that landed me in the situation im in. Basically I'm trying to choose between staying in my son's hometown to be with him or going back to my mom's house.
I would have to go into the family shelter because I'm pregnant. The problem with going back with my mom is that I'm 30 and she still treats me like a child. Also, my kids won't be able to go to the same programs that they already go to. I'm stuck on what to do.
My son stays with his aunt
- Anonymous2 months agoFavorite Answer
The "trick" to being a good mother is to put what's best for the kids ahead of what's best for you, and way, way ahead of what you want.
How bad is living in the shelter? Can you continue a healthy pregnancy there? Are you safe? Is there food security? Can they connect you with social services that will help you get to your feet, get a job, get housing? Bear in mind this decision is not about you.
Can you find work where your kids are? Can you afford to rent a furnished room once you do? Are you able to keep a job and be a good employee even if you don't like the work or the people you work with? Can you get the prenatal and postpartum care you will need for a healthy pregnancy? Then stay where your kids are.
What are the negatives of your mother treating you as if you were a child? Can you just roll with it, or perhaps talk through it? Or does she have a point, that you already have a child you cannot parent and are soon to have another baby when you're not in a financial good place for this? Is she able to help you beyond housing, by which I mean assist you in assuming the role of a responsible adult who's a good parent too?
It's a lot of deciding to do, but the start of being a good parent is putting every child's needs ahead of your own.
- HarraldLv 71 month ago
I really understand your choices about finding suitable lodging. I live in Houston, Texas, and there are shelters just for women with and without children. Go online and search in your area for emergency lodging for pregnant women. Your condition will probably open some doors for you for emergency housing. I contribute annually to two female shelters for needy women. Once I lost my job and found lodging for Homeless Veterans in Houston.
- WillieLv 72 months ago
Is someone forcing you to move back with your mommy or are you thinking of doing it to save money?
- edwardLv 72 months ago
My parents treat me like a kid too...i will always be thier son, nothing can change that. You could be old and grey, she will still be your mother and she will treat you like a child. I once met a woman, she was in her 70’s getting her first tattoo...why? Her mother just passed away. Her mother would’ve killed her if she got a tattoo. Now that she was dead she could get one. Does that make sense? You will always be a kid to your parents
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- heleneLv 72 months ago
I answered this question a few days ago and said you should go to your mother's house, if you can.
Now I'm puzzled. You keep mentioning a son, but then say "Also, my kids won't be able to go to the same programs that they already go to" if you go to your mother's. How many children do you have, other than your son and the one you're carrying? How old are they? And what programs would they NOT be able to get where your mother lives?
I think you are looking for excuses to stay in your current situation and change nothing.
- n2mamaLv 72 months ago
Your mom likely treats you like a child because you continue to make bad decisions/choices. I don’t know you or your situation, but having at least one child who doesn’t stay with you while being pregnant with another child and having so few resources you would have to go to a shelter indicates that you have a pattern of making bad choices, regardless of your chronological age.
Others have asked good questions. What is your longer term plan here? I don’t know how far along you are in your pregnancy, so don’t know if you could be working or if you’re so close to delivery that it isn’t really an option now. What about after the baby is born? How will you provide for a new baby when you can’t even put a roof over your own head? Despite what you may feel about how your mom treats you, is her house really worse than having a newborn at a shelter? You also don’t say how far away your mom is from where your son stays, so I don’t know if staying with your mom but seeing your son often would be an option.
You don’t have a lot of good choices here, but in your situation I’d say go back to your mom and deal with it.
- Anonymous2 months ago
You really have to weigh your options. What would be best for you and your baby? You don’t want to over stress yourself. Though your mom may treat you like a child , you could talk to her about it and maybe she will understand. If not you also have to think is she going to make you pay any extra bills that you may have to pay moving in with your sister?
Is your sisters house a toxic environment? Or is she welcoming? I think you should physically write down the pros and cons .. and also think of your unborn babies pros and cons as well.
- Ranchmom1Lv 72 months ago
As a mother, you go with the option that will be least disruptive to your children.