I was honest with my friend and now she completely stopped wanting to talk on the phone. What can I do?
I love her a lot, we’ve been friends for over 15 years. Our lives are different because she’s married with kids and I’m busy with my life and career, no family. Anyway, I told her how I really felt because every time we would talk on the phone she would be talking 90% of the time while I just had short responses but when I wanted/needed to talk, all of a sudden, without warning she started talking to her kids and then wouldn’t ask me to repeat myself and just turned the conversation back around to herself and her life. I got mad and hung up on her as I was at my limit for how many times she did that to me. Sometimes I feel like she thinks her life is more important than mine because of our differences.. which sucks because all I care about for all my friends is their happiness
- Favorite Answer
Let this one go. She is in a different universe, and hasn't got the ability to see beyond her own little world. Unless you are willing to put up with this, (forever), you have no reason to continue the relationship. People grow and move on. Its time for you to do the same.
- 2 months ago
She never WAS your friend. THAT whore is what is known as an energy sap. a psychic vampire. I've encountered a few of those in my time and I drop them without warning, like a hot potato.
- P.L.Lv 72 months ago
I am rather like that friend on some occasions. I do most of the talking when I phone someone, not quite so much if they've phoned me. It's because I have very few people to bounce my ideas off I think and my friend is a great listener when I need advice. One person's life is NOT more important than the other person's life is but, to that person, at that particular moment, it seems that it is that way.
Perhaps, next time you phone your friend you could quickly start your chat with "Before you say anything there is something really important I want to tell you about" and then get your story in before she can begin hers.
- 2 months ago
I have a weebly-wobbly friend who (1) only talks about herself, never inquires about me or my life and (2) who routinely drops plans or stands me up. I'll take her phone calls, but I will not call her, and I will not make plans with her anymore.
You just have to figure out your boundaries, lay them down, and enforce them. Maybe just let her know you're too busy next time, or don't respond right away if she reaches out.
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- 2 months ago
My former best friend was exactly the same, except she didn’t have a family. She was just self centred. You were being honest with her, If she gets mad about you talking about your feelings then she’s not a friend worth keeping in your life. But you should try to understand that she has a family. Kids can be exhausting and she isn’t getting as much adult interaction, so when she does she probably has a lot to say. If she does come around, my suggestion to you is to go to her house to chat rather than on the phone
- Citizen AwesomeLv 62 months ago
First, we teach people how to treat us by establishing our boundaries. So, going forward let people know what you dont like while it is happening. Example: when she first spent 90% time talking about herself....in that 10% gap its "do u care what I've been up to?" She would have been thrown off guard apologized and said of course then asked u to share. U would have shared. Then when she started talking to her kids as u were talking, you then hang up and go on about your way. When she called back, than you would've said "I was talking and realized you werent listening, so rather than talk to myself, I hung up to do something else....did you forget i was on the phone?" She would've said, "oh nooo...its these kids," then you say, "well, Im sure thats distracting...lets talk when their taking naps or something."
Moving on....why are u the one needing to call and apologize to her for giving her HONEST feedback. So, she is upset that you told her she is self absorbed and instead of apologizing for neglecting the needs of a friend, intentional, or unintentional, she cuts you off? That sounds even more self absorbed.
I say do nothing. U only got 10% of her attention because she wasn't interested in your life anyway and when you talked, she ignored you and talked to her kids, instead. So, what are you looking to salvage?
Everything and everyone we enjoy isnt always best for our needs and emotional well being. Sameness and familiarity are drawing you to her. So, if you must put yourself last again and subdue the discomfort you feel for standing up for yourself, text her "I didn't mean to offend you. I like having you as a friend. My delivery was wrong, but my intention was to strengthen our friendahio because you mean a lot to me. Can we talk?"
- CarmenLv 52 months ago
A true friend wouldn’t hold it against you for being truthful even if they don’t like what was said or maybe how it was said. Time heals usually if she a real friend she will come around just be patient and try to forgive others as you want to be forgiven.
- Anonymous2 months ago
Sadly, people like her don't change. I've had friends like that, who you're on the phone with and you just can't get a word in edgewise. These people don't know the art of listening or know how to have a conversation. If she never, ever asks you how you're doing, what's going on at your job, or anything else related to you personally, then yes, she is basically saying that she thinks her life is more important. It is possible for women to remain friends, even with different things going on in their lives, but in your case it sounds too one-sided, and it sounds like the friendship has run it's course. She is now preoccupied with her family life, and sadly she cannot seem to keep any interest in her friends lives.
- seedy historyLv 72 months ago
Sounds like you two need a break anyway. Fighting over who get to talk is a huge sign that you two need a break anyway. Do nothing. You were more than honest. You were angry and you hung up on her. Just take a break. You could send her a small note via the USPS apologizing that your frustration level got out of hand and that you value her friendship.
Your frustrations sound valid. So is the fact that when a Mom is home with her kids and they are pulling her in and out of things... she's busy! Maybe she was blowing her cork too. Apologize and let there be space between you until you're okay with it. Not okay with it? Let it breathe.
I had a friend who's needs grew to the point that she was endlessly asking for favors and was endlessly at her wits' end. After a few months, I noticed that when I picked up her call... I'd started immediately saying, "Hi. How can I help you?" that went on for more months. then I stopped endlessly being available; she stopped calling. About three years later we were better friends than ever.
- Anonymous2 months ago
She needs someone to vent to. Unfortunately, her life is too full of people and problems to include your problems.
Find another friend who is give and take. Not take take.
🥴 Am proud of you for hanging up on her. Shes using you as a shoulder to cry on only.
This could be an imbalance in the relationship.
I suggest you spend some time thinking about what you want in friendships and then actively seek friends who can give you what you want.
There are many kinds of friends. You can google and read on various kinds of friendships to help you learn about them.
I would find that kind of interaction very unsatisfying as well.