Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

M father passed away a few days ago I cared for him I lived with parents but so far not one person has shown any interest in how I'm coping?


We've had several phone calls to those and visitors but always people asking how my mother is and if she needs help but it's as if I'm invisible or irrelevant by even the family Dr phoned asking to speak to her to offer condolences I had answered phone not so much as how r u coming Garry just feels like I'm nothing

Update 2:

Barry no self pity about it it's about respect the rest of family did nothing to help with father now he's gone no acknowledgment of respect for what I've done so poss off pal I've got no issues with people being there for my mother but a bit of shaming wouldn't go a miss not even any offer of help from them to make funeral arrangements so do one

Update 3:

Not of sympathy*

Update 4:

Lol ironic that I'm being made to feel selfish when it's other people answering that are being selfish and ignorant  what ever happened to compassion and understanding instead of of telling somebody whose just lost they're father 2 days ago to stop rallying in self pity and to get on with it my father hasn't even been buried yet says a lot about today's society when that's how people operate let's hope u get the same attitude when you lose those close to you

Update 5:

Yeah obviously it was a waste of time posting this strange your always advised to open up talk to people blah blah and all I've had is people say I'm impatient selsish and pitying myself won't make this mistake again 

6 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    not much you can do about it, i feel the same way, my twin died back in sept , other than my brothers calling and telling me she died, i havent heard from them again, its making me want to disown them to be honest

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    First, my condolences.  Losing a parent is always hard.  With that said, you need to learn to punctuate.  A lot of people simply stop reading when sentences run on together and it becomes impossible to follow it.  I also think this is an explanation for some of the answers you didn't like.

    On the rest, stop being so impatient.  Yes, it's surprising they haven't said anything, but a death sends everybody reeling.  It's also human nature to focus first on a grieving spouse, esp a mom.  I assume some of these people were close to your dad, and the top thing on their mind right now isn't how to make others feel better.  It's their own grief and sadness. This goes double if the death was sudden.

    My mom died when I was in college, and everybody was worried about my grandparents and my dad.  They had reason to worry.  I had my own issues, and this didn't even land on my radar.  I had sibs to talk to, and that's what I did.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Caregivers are often forgotten. But do know the one you cared for was very appreciative of what you did for them.  Caregivers are angels, thanks for being one of them. Usually only another caregiver knows how you feel. The others did not care about anyone, but themselves. You are a better person for what you did. If you can treat yourself good, and when things get better take a short vacation, you deserve it.

  • keerok
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Why should they? You grieve alone. That's how it goes. If you want somebody to understand you, go to family.

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  • Barry
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Stop wallowing in your own pity. You aren't unique. You should be more interested in your mother's welfare than your own. Get a grip. Of course you are grieving but we all have to cope with the effect sooner or later.

  • God
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Don't take it personally.  People are uncomfortable talking about death.  I'm sure they are thinking about you.

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