Gabby asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

Is it weird that my parents don’t want to buy me anything for Xmas or birthdays?

My family is pretty conservative when it comes to spending money on their kids, (at least me because I didn’t go to school and I quit my job recently) so they haven’t bought me A Xmas present or birthday present since I was probably in high school? Over like 7 years ago. I always buy presents for them and spend so much money and time on them. I even wanted to buy my mom this perfume she liked a sample of this year and it’s about $200 (not that it matters but I’m unemployed, I just know she likes it a lot).

I was hoping for something this year because I was in the hospital 3 times for suicidal depression and mania, but I made a joke to my mom that I wanted a baby yoda stuffed toy and she said “don’t expect anything”.. it’s like $20, and we’re not poor, they just don’t like spending money on “senseless stuff” and I think they hate me to some extent. 

Honestly it really upsets me and I’m actually making myself cry now because I truly think they think I’m so useless that I don’t deserve any sign of thanks or purpose. I’ve been doing so much better regarding my depression but years ago in high school I did attempt and now I’m remembering why. I try so hard to make my family feel good around holidays and even one of the worst years of my life they don’t care and would rather save $20 than just buy my something small that I actually want. 

Is this stupid to be upset for? I was in the hospital for a week and they didn’t even pick me up.. I think they actually just hate me..

3 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    Honestly it sounds like my parents, they don't really care, they might let you stay there and feed you but that's it, it's a situation of they feel like they have done their job and they're just not interested anymore.

    They probably expect you to be a success and to take their phone calls, make your kids available to them and do stuff for them, most people it's all about them, not you.

    They have kids for themselves, to make them happy, once you're not a cute kid anymore you just become a burden they have to carry and they're older and want to do nothing.

    I hung around my family for the last 12 years and honestly wish i just left, i couldn't though, not in the way i wanted, they made my life suck even more than it has.

    Run away screaming is my advice, get yourself right and make a plan to get away and start your own life free of their neglect and obvious disappointment with you.

    They don't deserve to have you around if they can't treat you right or Appreciate you.

  • enn
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Hmmmmm, buy the Baby Yoda for yourself on your own. Part of your depression stems from this rejection. I get it. But part of this rejection feeling stems from having set expectations only to have those expectations not met. If this has always been a thing with your parents, it is time to stop expecting them to do anything. I DO know of people who have instead saved their money to go on a Caribbean Island cruise vacation during Christmas instead of presents. I worked at a ski resort and there were a lot of families on Christmas Day skiing instead of sitting at home opening presents because they made skiing more important than a ski sweater in a box. It is time to change the expectations from "High" to "low" concerning your parents. It is time to build a new life. It is time to stop working to build a new life with these people, and start working to build a new life of your own, as an individual. I met my husband working at the ski resort in the mountains and we worked Thanksgiving and New Year's Day and Valentine's Day and if the weather stayed good, even Easter. But we made our days off together special by being together and enjoying each other's company. 25+ years later we still enjoy each other's companionship. But We WORKED at it. We worked at trying to love each other every day and not just for special occasions. Our Christmas gifts are very small but we work at putting thought into them. We also spend time with friends we have made over the years especially those who have lost spouses recently or are alone during the holidays. As a result we have built up a community of people around us which sometimes includes family members sometimes it does not. We have made our lives from scratch. We don't always succeed in reaching out to some family members but we balance that by traveling and enjoying different places rather than sitting home crying and waiting for someone to call. There is a moment when you will be tired of crying and being depressed and crying. I went through this myself several years ago. I have to sometimes work to get out of my funk still. But I have learned to go outside in the sunshine and absorb the light instead of cowering in the darkness. I have learned to go outside and breathe the air when I feel trapped inside. I have learned to pet my cats and dogs when I feel kicked by humans. I have learned to cook my own good food so I need not go broke spending it at a restaurant to be fed. I have learned to enjoy the taste of good food so that I am satisfied. I have learned to find contentment in beauty when people act ugly. I think you might benefit from seeking Zen. I recommend you look into the basics of Zen. You need not worship the religion of Zen Buddhism, but the concepts of finding peace through meditation and seeking beauty in small things and finding hope in nature might help you tremendously. I go outside at night to look at the stars. I go outside in the daytime to absorb the sun. I put time and energy into growing a garden and because I do so my life now is peaceful. I think you can find better than this horror you are in. I will include here a (safe) link to some Zen concepts on youtube, and I hope somehow some way I can reach across the miles and offer you a light in this darkness.

    But, buy the Baby Yoda on your own. Do this for yourself.

    Youtube thumbnail

  • kelvin
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    not weird if they are short on cash

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