Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

This man told me he likes me a lot but he is still healing. How is texting his ex everyday and watching shows part of the healing process ?

I feel like they refuse to cut old habits that they used to do in their marriage and its really bothering me that I feel like they are still bonding. They text constantly throughout the day and everyday he watches a show with her. He said they were good friends before they married and he's not cutting her out of his life ever. they divorced 4 months ago because of her cheating is what he told me, we started dating one month ago.   We had sex. He took me to a restaurant. He was a classic gentleman. I  Feel like sex made us that much closer together also and I feel a strong and intense bond with him. He told me He likes me a lot but he Is still healing and it will be a while before he's ready for a relationship. Yes I'm falling in love with him and he calls me his queen and all that. But I refuse to play these games with him. I feel like I will always come second to her. I told him he acts like he's still married to this woman. There is no way I could heal from texting my ex everyday.  I feel like if he truly wants to heel he needs to slowly ween himself away from her. I asked him a million times if he still wants to be with her please don't waste my time telling me sweet nothings. And he said they are just good friends and that he likes me a lot.  THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS TOGETHER.  I talked to a friend about this because it's driving me crazy and my friend told me that history wins every time. He said that they have a history that I can't touch. I'm sorry but this is BS.

Update:

nobody wants to deal with a man that won't stop texting his ex every second of the day. honestly I'm super in love with him but I can't help but feel incredibly hurt at the fact that he's not even considering how this makes me feel

Update 2:

OF COURSE YOU WON'T EVER HEAL IF YOU'RE CONSTANTLY TALKING TO THE SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN

10 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    As long as he made it clear to you before you agreed to have sex with him that he's emotionally unavailable for a relationship and may be for some time, if not forever, then it's kind of on you for deciding to go forward with sexual intimacy. It does sound like he's being honest with you and you can't rush people through a process that can take years (they've only been divorced for four short months!). If his intention is to remain close with his ex he probably believes he can "heal" while still remaining close to her. That wouldn't be possible for most people and it could be he's just biding his time until he's ready to take her back. But either way, if you can't handle that this is his situation you should bow out now. 'Cause he's not going to change where he's for you right now. 

  • Jen
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    You have to be patience because healing takes time. He is in the process of letting go. He’s at the end of a divorce, grieving stage. It’s gonna take a while. 4 months is not that long ago. Give him time. It’s more selfish if he wasn’t ready for you but then give you a chance anyway and everything go south again. I don’t think anyone want to repeat making the same mistake over and over. They might have a history together and she hurt him by cheating but you both can heal together spiritually, that’s a stronger bond. Once he’s healed, it would be like she never existed so I don’t believe that history always win. 

  • 2 months ago

    I would believe that he's actually still in love with her and always will be. If you develop a serious relationship with him the odds are that should she give him the green light at any time in the future he'll go running back to her. I'd recommend looking elsewhere.

  • 2 months ago

    Anyone that close to his "Ex" isn't over her. Why does he take her to the Show and not you? Or if it is just friendship, why not the two of you so you can get to know this "friend" of his? 

    Could be the sex was missing from their relationship and that's the role you are filling now - which is fine IF that's all you want from him, but its not, is it? Best to either wait til he is really over her (might be a LOOOONNNGG wait), or get the hell out of Dodge - I recommend the second choice personally. 

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  • 2 months ago

    you should only give him hand service until he texts her an FOB message

  • Kate
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    I am surprised that you don't realize you are his rebound gf. He obviously still cares about her a lot or he wouldn't be texting her daily. It sounds like neither one of them are through with the relationship. If you aren't willing to accept that, you are wasting your time.

    If you want a long term relationship, don't stay with guys who say they are still healing. They aren't lying.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    He won't commit to you, hes stringing u along, have cake eat it too.Dump his a-s, girl.

     he's hot and cold with you, it's likely that he's keeping you on the back burner until he's absolutely sure things won't ever work out with his ex.stop being his bootycall.Quit wasting your time now before it's too late and he breaks your heart. There are many more non-heartbroken fish in the sea for you – or at least ones with wounds that aren't as fresh.Quit wasting your time now before it's too late and he breaks your heart. There are many more non-heartbroken fish in the sea for you – or at least ones with wounds that aren't as fresh.

  • Rick
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Leave him.  They still have feelings for each other, and you're just his fling on the side.  I'm not saying this to be mean.  It's the reality of the situation.  As soon as things improve between them, he'll drop you like a hot potato.

  • 2 months ago

    please don't be offended with my thoughts. this is just my opinion and you know what they say about those. with that being said sounds like your his rebound. from my own personal experience rebounds are not the one. rebounds are just the middle man or in your case women. there's nothing wrong with it you just have to ask your self if your willing to come last. maybe take a break from him let him find out who he is without a woman because if you dont he will never value what he has with you. and everybody deserves to have someone who is head over heels ride or die take a bullet for you in their lives. anything else is ludicrous.

  • 2 months ago

    Unfortunately, you are his rebound. It sounds like he doesn't want to be alone, so he is keeping as many options open as possible. That includes dating someone new, and keeping in contact with his ex.

    On top of that he has only been divorced a few months. He isn't over her / his marriage. 

    Please don't get attached to this guy. You will get hurt.

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