Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Why women lose interest in sex after kids? Would like to hear from women too?

My wife and I are happy with our marriage. Outside of that we have 3 kids and we both don’t like our jobs so that adds stress. We get along and we are a great family. 

We do not get to spend much time alone because we are taking care of a parent and have young kids. With the pandemic it’s much worse. 

Our sex life is at 5 times the entire year. It’s horrible. We are equal partners and I bust my tail around the house just like her. 

I don’t know what to do and she has even told me she knows she needs to try but she’s always tired. I basically have given up and we do it when she initiates. I’m not sure where to go from here. It’s really her decision at this point. 

17 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    In some cases it's a hormonal thing. In this case it's because you need to start investing in the relationship by having a babysitter on speed dial and being willing to get out once in a while (once the pandemic conditions allow of course). Few marriages with children can survive if there are never any date nights or weekends away without the kids. This is just a fact. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I thought I had lost interest in sex after two kids but the truth was I just lost interest in sex with my husband, not that my husband wasn't still handsome, he still works out at the gym and so do I but because of the children not at the same time. Our relationship became more like brother and sister and his workouts are so fanatical that he has little interest in anything else.

    The fact is his intimacy disappeared and when that happened so did our sex life. I have a secret F buddy, a guy my husband wouldn't even suspect, he's in his sixties fat and hairy but he makes me laugh and our sex, twice a week, is pretty sorid so it makes feel like a ####, , I won't say but it's exciting and nasty.

  • 2 months ago

    I cannot speak for all women.. but I lost interest after I had kids because my husband changed.  Yes I know we all do after the birth of a baby.. but it took 2 of us to make the kids and it should take 2 of us to raise them. However in my situation 100 percent of the raising fell on my shoulders... and I had to continue to work full time, care of the house and yard.. ALONE.  so I had regrets that I even married him.  Just make sure you are helping her out with EVERYTHING.  In this day and time, its too much for one person to do it all.  Give her some "me" time and she will be thankful.  We all need "me" time.   If you do these things, the sex will come back eventually.  She could be tired and stressed as we all are.  Just talk to her.  Communication is the best medicine.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It means she knows that she locked you down and you wont leave now so she lost interest. Women are sexually attracted to men they cannot have or knows that will leave them if a better women comes by. When she knows she got you, all that spark is gone. 

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Trust me--when your wife says she's always tired, believe her.  If you have three children, that's a huge cause of stress.  Having a job that's disliked adds another layer of stress.  Taking care of a parent adds another layer, and being confined from COVID is almost unbearable for many people.  You can also believe that this phase of your life won't last forever.  The kids will get older and more independent.  The parent you're taking care of won't be around forever.  The two of you can change jobs when things lighten up.  Please be patient.  The fact that you just don't have time for each other is something that is happening to many families at this time.  Try to look ahead and visualize your life a year from now.  Things actually will get better.  I'm sure your wife is as stressed out and depressed/anxious as you are.  Why don't the two of you sit down and plan a future trip for just the two of you?  Talk about things you would both like to do, that would be romantic and fun, and where the two of you would like to go.  It would be something to look forward to, and it might lessen some of your stress.  It's not just that your wife has lost interest in you after having children--it's the whole mess this past year has been.  On New Year's Eve, toast the new year, and resolve to have one night a week of a couple of hours just for the two of you (even if it's in your house). 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I don't have kids but I have a sixth sense when it comes to the behaviors of other women.

    Women are EXHAUSTED. Biggest reason why I don't have kids of my own. Believe it or not, a lot of the childrearing work expectations are placed onto the women. Most of the time, we have 9-5 jobs, come home to make dinner, and then take care of the kids.

    I really don't mean to be tearing you or other men down here, but do you help with the childrearing, cooking, and cleaning at least 50% of the time? If not, this is a major reason why women lose interest in sex. Trust me, women love to talk about stressors in their marriage. I've heard all 4 of these complaints 1) working, 2) cooking, 3) cleaning, 4) childrearing at least every couple weeks in my workplace.

    Women are expected to have it all, while men are celebrated for lifting a finger. I really apologize for that stereotype, but - well... it's kind of true. As women, we get seriously shamed and nagged for our life choices for not wanting to be both a housewife and a career woman at the same time. It's exhausting and frustrating, so naturally as caregivers and nurturers, most women feel pressured to take on all of these roles simply to make everyone in their family happy. Ultimately, they slowly start to forget about their own happiness in the process. Obviously, I chose career and travel over family and children, and every time some stranger asks if I have kids or if I am married and I reply with no, I get that scrunched face, raised eyebrow look. It happens all the time for many women in my position or in opposite positions for being a housewife but not for wanting a career. Our gender just can't win unless we do everything under the sun.

    Just a couple questions for you: has your wife been smiling around the house lately? When was the last time you have genuinely seen her smile when her eyes light up and her cheeks turn rosy? If not, please buy her some flowers today. Better yet, order some for her right now. You'll be glad you did later.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    So she no longer wants to "have sex". How about making love with the man she loves? You may need to do a bit of wooing and seducing. Learn some tantric methods or sensual massage - or even dating type techniques. Don't take her for granted and allow her to think of sex as a bit of a chore.  

    Good Luck!

    Source(s): relationships@jamforlife.co.uk
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    i've had sex when i was tired before. not much of an excuse...

  • y
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You have to decide if the marriage is worth it without the physical connections, that reinforce the emotional connections. Becouse that is what you have now, and it will not change. It is what it is except at some point, she will stop admitting it is her and start blaming you.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    To fix a sexless marriage you need to treat whatever the root cause is..try date night,get a babysitter and go to a hotel with drinks.finding some new strategies that u will both enjoy.” Sexless marriage is one opportunity away from infidelity. That’s how serious it is. Couples must practice talking openly about their needs so they don’t act out passive-aggressively and cause a ton of damage to many people.”

    “Many relationships have people who do not have the same level of sexual desire.”Make time to connect with each other, have fun, bond, flirt, try new things, tease, compliment, and set new goals,”good luck bro

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    Source(s): jeremiah 29;11
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